


Enemies at First Sight

by PirateCress



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: 90s, Alex comes out to Bobby first, And he makes up 1/4 of Sunset Curve, Asexual Bobby, Asexual Character, Basically every good tag about Bobby, Bobby curses (sorry guys but he's constantly put in the position to be pissed at everyone), Bobby | Trevor Wilson Defense Squad, Bobby | Trevor Wilson-centric, But he's a good friend, But they love him anyway, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Friends to Lovers to Dead, Good Person Bobby | Trevor Wilson, He's actually a little shit, Luke fits the vibe now too!, Multi, Oh and Bobby forces the group stick to the aesthetic (and vibe), Pansexual Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Pre-Canon, Protective Bobby | Trevor Wilson, and he loves them, he's sweet, so you have to love him, the vibe is anxiety (Alex) and black and blacker and leather (Reg & Bobby)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:56:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 30,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28599573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PirateCress/pseuds/PirateCress
Summary: Bobby’s twelve when he first meets Luke Patterson.It’s not love at first sight.It’s not friendship at first sight.It’s not even acquaintances who you don’t give a damn about.In fact, it’s enemies at first sight.His best friends are Alex and Reggie, having met Alex first, at age seven, and Reggie second at age ten. And of course, the one week Bobby is out sick with flu and strep (and his medicine gives him a rash the one day his grandparents are out of town for a funeral), Alex and Reggie make friends with the new kid. The new kid with the weird haircut and just wouldn’t shut up.
Relationships: (brief), (the OC is his grandma), Alex Mercer/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Alex Mercer, Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Alex Mercer & Luke Patterson & Reggie Peters, Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Original Character(s), Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Rose, Bobby | Trevor Wilson/Luke Patterson
Comments: 63
Kudos: 67





	1. Twelve

**Author's Note:**

> Sup peeps. I'm busy working on a super long fic, and I shoved it aside to write this shitshow. The fic is amazing. I might just be bigheaded, but I needed to write a story that has good Bobby in the 90s because we need more GOOD BOBBY content. So, yeah. Fasten your seatbelts and enjoy the show. PS, Luke and Bobby end up falling in love if you didn't read the tags. Bobby is just being a jealous little shit who doesn't seem to realize that, yes, he can have THREE WHOLE BEST FRIENDS! (WOW!) And still love all of them. (Some more than others)

Bobby’s twelve when he first meets Luke Patterson.

  


It’s not love at first sight.

  


It’s not friendship at first sight.

  


It’s not even acquaintances who you don’t give a damn about.

  


In fact, it’s enemies at first sight.

  


His best friends are Alex and Reggie, having met Alex first, at age seven, and Reggie second at age ten. And of course, the one week Bobby is out sick with flu _and_ strep (and his medicine gives him a rash the one day his grandparents are out of town for a funeral), Alex and Reggie make friends with the new kid. The new kid with the weird haircut and just wouldn’t shut up.

  


Of course, if Alex and Reggie were to talk and talk, it would be fine because he knows them, and would do anything to defend them. But when Luke talks, all he hears is energy and happiness and a perfect family, and that vibe just doesn’t settle with the group aesthetic.

  


The group aesthetic is the one mood called anxiety (Alex), family problems and unhealthy coping mechanisms (Reggie), and black mixed in with a few shades blacker with a dash of resting bitch face (Bobby).

  


Troubled kids are the only ones that make the group in Bobby’s mind, and Luke simply doesn’t make the cut.

  


While in reality, Luke is perfect for the group, even if he doesn’t fit Bobby’s aesthetic and group vibes _just_ yet. Bobby just feels like he’s being replaced. Alex and Reggie watch Luke in awe with everything he does.

  


And Bobby just doesn’t see it.

  


Yeah, Luke’s good with the guitar, but Bobby is good with the piano. Reggie can rock the banjo. And Alex is wicked at the drums. What’s so special about a newbie with an awful haircut that is only *decent* at the guitar?

  


Answer: Nothing.

  


And so, there it is. Enemies at first sight.

  


Alex and Reggie have a new best friend, and his name is Luke. Not Bobby. Bobby is always a year older anyway, having started kindergarten a year late, but nobody seemed to care (except maybe Bobby.)

  


There is simply nothing one could do in Bobby’s position besides hate one Luke Patterson with the ugly haircut and the mediocre guitar skills and friend stealing smile and voice.


	2. Twelve & A Half

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, we discover that Luke has shared trauma vibes too! (Well, not really..trauma...so to speak, but he does have his *major life event that fucked him up*)

Bobby is twelve and a half when Luke Patterson confronts him at recess, cornering him so he can’t escape. His beanie is crooked, and his disaster hair pokes out all around. Luke’s expression is pouty, with a hint of determination.

“Why do you hate me?”

“I don’t hate you.” It’s a lie.

“Yes, you do.”

“Not everything in life is about you, Patterson. Get your head out of your ass.”

“Your mother wouldn’t approve of your language.”

“My mother’s dead,” Bobby spits.

Luke pauses and looks down. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

Bobby scowls and crosses his arms. That’s always the response he gets. And Bobby being bitter while he actually says something important says, “Don’t be.”

“Well, I am, because I know how it feels.”

He looks up. “You do?”

Luke nods and tugs on the hem of his sleeves. “My mom’s alive, but…I had a sister named Leah. Five weeks old..and she got…sick. Now it’s just me, Mom, and Dad again. So, I understand.”

Now, Bobby realizes, just _maybe_ Luke _does_ fit the group vibe. Dead baby sister. The vibe fits, so Luke can officially be part of the group (if he stops trying to steal Bobby’s friends.)

“Well, I guess I’m sorry for you too, I guess. Both my parents are dead, but I never knew them, so it’s not too bad. I live with my grandparents.”

“Cool.”

Bobby nods and tries to drop the scowl that never truly leaves his face.

And then Luke throws his arm over Bobby’s shoulder and says, “Well, let’s go find the others.”

Bobby just nods.

“Oh, and the other guys are coming to my house tonight to hang out…You can come too. Alex and Reggie wanted you to come all the other times, but you hated me, so I wanted to wait till you only sort of hated me.”

Bobby rolls his eyes. “I never hated you, Patterson. I just strongly disliked you.”

“Wow, thanks. But we’re friends now, right?”

Bobby hesitates before saying, “Sure, why not?”

And so, Bobby is twelve and a half when he only hates Luke half as much.

And they might just have a shared vibe. (If Luke remembers to share his best friend rights with him.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like the story of Luke's little sister Leah? Yeah, me too.   
> :)


	3. Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is super cringey, at least in my opinion. But what literally went through my brain was: Ah, Catholic Sex-ED is pretty much the same thing as what it probably was in the 90s! And they're tiny seventh graders who don't have their emotions figured out yet! I wonder how that would turn out!  
> And the dialogue is super blunt and straight to it, so sorry if it's really awkward for you, but I'm not really one to dance around something. I know what I feel. I explain it. I say it.  
> Oh, and the good part of this chapter is at the end when Alex and Bobby talk.  
> So, read on...

Bobby is thirteen when the school has mandatory Sex-ED class for all the seventh graders.

It’s awkward, to say the least.

Everything is pretty much: If you have sex, the girl gets pregnant, you both have STDs, and you die.

Even if they told it in a good light, it sounds…uncomfortable.

Bobby doesn’t want to _ever_ have sex. He doesn’t ever want to look at a person in a “sexy” way, and doesn’t want to have to do it in marriage either. Bobby thinks that it’s perfectly possible to go through life without having sex. It’s not like you need it to live. Right?

The teachers tell the students to “resist the temptation”, and to ignore the impulses and control their desires. What temptation? What impulses? What desires?

After class, Bobby asks the teacher, blushing madly the whole time. “What do you mean by…desires and impulses?”

The teacher continues to erase the chalkboard and says, “When I say desires and impulses, it means that you want to have sex. We want to teach you to ignore it. Well, at least until marriage.”

Bobby is about to walk away when he turns back around and asks, “What if I don’t have… _desires_?”

The teacher turns to Bobby and simply says, “You will. You might just not have it yet.”

Bobby nods as he walks away, but doesn’t really agree. _What if I don’t_? It’s not that big of a deal to him, but the teacher and the rest of the class make it feel like a big deal, so he assumes that it is, and he truly just doesn’t understand yet.

Bobby walks up to Alex during recess. “Lexi, the Sex-ED teacher was batshit crazy, don’t you think!?”

Alex shrugs. “I guess.”

“I mean, she spent the whole damn lesson talking about how we’re all gonna die if we have sex! What if we never want to have sex!?”  
Alex shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe we’re too young.”

Bobby groans. “The teacher said that too! What if we _never_ want to have sex? Even when we’re married?”

Alex just says, “Oh. Well, I guess that’s okay. I mean, I kind of feel the same way.”

Bobby turns around and looks Alex straight in the eyes. “Really?”

Alex awkwardly shoves his hands in his hoodie pocket. “Well, kind of. All the other guys have had crushes so far, but I haven’t. I want to, so I’m sure I just haven’t found the right girl yet.” Bobby realizes that Alex doesn’t sound so sure.

But Bobby nudges Alex’s arm with his own arm anyway. “That’s cool, AliCat. Or, maybe we are too young right now. I don’t think we are, but the batshit crazy Sex-ED teacher thinks we’re too young, so maybe we are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for this chapter. Poor class for having to endure that, and poor Bobby and Alex having to sit through that disaster that left them confused and questioning. It's not one of my best chapters, that one might be chapter five, as of now, but just fasten your seatbelts and hold on because it only gets crazier from here.  
> :)


	4. Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luke's a little shit and Bobby's spiteful.   
> Thank you, now read.

Bobby is fourteen when he decides to play the rhythm guitar. Luke won’t shut up about his guitar skills, and the piano isn’t very cool, so rhythm guitar it is. According to Luke, the piano is an old lady’s instrument, and it’s not as cool as the guitar.

Alex smacks Luke’s arm when he says that Bobby’s instrument isn’t cool, and Reggie laughs and tells Luke that at least Bobby can play the piano without sounding like a dying cat.

Bobby doesn’t tell anybody about the rhythm guitar lessons he’s taking, not wanting the attention. And maybe he wants to casually surprise his friends, and watch their jaws drop open when he _casually_ begins to rock out on the rhythm guitar.

And maybe he wants to see Luke impressed.

And the others too. But mostly Luke.

_That_ will teach _him_ to insult Bobby’s instrumental skills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to casually impress someone like Bobby did, is literally how I live my life.   
> And we all know that Bobby is in love, but very, very, very blind about it.  
> :)


	5. Fourteen & A Half

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bobby mentions the batshit crazy Sex-ED teacher again, and honestly yeah.   
> Enjoy this short chapter, because the next one will be LONGGGGG.

Bobby is fourteen and a half, and he still doesn’t understand what the 7th grade Sex-ED teacher meant about urges and temptations and desires and impulses.

Yeah, Bobby wants to kiss a girl. But he doesn’t want to do what the older kids talk about, with your tongue in the other person’s mouth, all wet and sloppy. (And according to them, _amazing._ )

Bobby doesn’t even want to go _beyond_ soft kisses, with no tongue, so there’s no way he _ever_ wants to have sex, like the batshit crazy Sex-ED teacher said he would.

He really only wants to hold hands and talk and fall in love and stuff, and maybe cuddle. Bobby isn’t too big on hugging, but it’s nice at times.

Maybe he’s still too young.

_Ha, yeah right_. All the other kids talk about their more than PG dreams, and are making sex jokes even when something perfectly appropriate is said, and a third of the kids aren’t even fourteen yet like he is!

Maybe there’s something wrong with him. Like, seriously wrong with him.

And something seriously wrong with him wouldn’t be too awful, because it would just add more to the less-than-perfect vibe the group had going on. But, this is different. _Seriously_ different. This is unheard of.

So, Bobby decides, maybe he’s still too young to understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh, good luck on figuring yourself out Robert.   
> :)


	6. Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I lied. This isn't the long chapter. I just forgot that I had to include Luke's backstory about his nemesis: sleeves.  
> And for this chapter, there is a TW, and it's: anxiety attack  
> If you don't want to read this chapter, skip to the bottom notes at the end, and I'll explain the chapter without you having to read it because honestly, my reasoning might make you laugh. So, yeah.  
> Read on children.

Bobby was fifteen when Luke had his first anxiety attack. Bobby was the only one around for it.

The day starts with an irritated Luke. He walks into school with his eyes sunken and his expression foul. Luke glares at everyone who looks at him funny in the hallway, and doesn’t have any homework to turn into the teacher for any class—Including music.

Lunch is the one food Luke hates—meatloaf—because of the time he got food poisoning from it when he was five, and it apparently scarred him for life.

In music, when the teacher asks him to present the song he should have been working on for weeks now, he plays the first chord wrong, and halfway through the song, a string breaks.

Luke gets really mad and storms out of the room, leaving his guitar sitting there. Mrs. Genevieve picks Luke’s guitar up and sets it aside.

Mrs. Genevieve asks Bobby to go check on Luke. And of course, Bobby goes after him, bringing both of their book bags along with him just in case.

“Luke?” Bobby calls out in the otherwise deserted hallway. “Where are you?”

There’s no answer. Bobby walks into the nearest bathroom, hearing noise coming from there, hoping that it’s Luke.

It is Luke.

But it’s not good.

Luke Patterson is sitting in the middle of the bathroom floor, pulling at the neckline of his shirt, and shaking with tears.

And Bobby knows exactly what this is: an anxiety attack.

Bobby’s helped Alex through his before, knowing what is best, and how to ease him out of it. Bobby kneels in front of Luke and places his hand on his knee, and Luke jerks away, freaking out more and going into hyperventilating.

“Okay, so I’m keeping my hand away. No touching. Got it.” Bobby tries to stay calm, like he always does for Alex, but this is _Luke._ It’s different. And Luke’s never had an anxiety attack before (At least Bobby thinks) and doesn’t know how to handle it.

“Okay, can you tell me what’s wrong?”

Luke shakes his head.

“Okay, um do you want me to count breathing for you?”

Luke nods.

“Oh, okay.” Bobby can do this. “Breathe with me. In. And out. In. And out. In. And out.”

And they repeat it for about a minute, but all Luke ends up doing is shaking his head and freaking out more. “It hurts to breathe. Can’t breathe,” Luke manages to get out. In some sort of panic or frenzy, Luke starts to tug his shirt over his head. Once it’s on the ground beside him, he clearly starts to breathe better.

Bobby counts more breaths for him until Luke is fine. When Luke’s better, he asks, “What the hell was that? I couldn’t fucking breathe.” Luke picks up the shirt that he cast aside and clutches onto it like a life preserver.

Bobby runs his hand through his hair. “It was an anxiety attack.”

“Anxiety attack? Alex gets those, and I don’t have anxiety.”

Bobby carefully says, “Everyone has a little anxiety. And it’s possible to have an anxiety attack without having all the time anxiety like Alex. I’ve had about two.”

Luke looks into Bobby’s eyes, and can’t help but feel sad for him. “Alex has these all the time? I felt like somebody was choking me. There’s no way he can handle these.”

“But he does. His are different though. He’s never ripped his shirt off before.”

Luke looks down sheepishly. “I just wanted to breathe. Everything felt like it was suffocating me—the sleeves, the neckline—everything! I didn’t really think as I was doing it.”

“It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re better.”

“Thank you.”

They sit in silence for a minute before Bobby jumps up. “Shit! You need some water!”

“Bookbag.”

Bobby turns around to where he dropped his and Luke’s book bags. “Right. Water bottles are in there.” Bobby pulls out a water bottle for Luke, and hands it to him. Luke’s hands are shaking as he tries to open it. “I can help.”

Luke snaps. “I can handle it perfectly fine. I’m not two.”

And then Bobby says, “Luke, it’s okay if you can’t. Your hands might not stop shaking for a while.”

Luke groans and continues to try to open it, but it slips out of his shaking hands. Slowly, he looks up towards Bobby, and Bobby grabs and opens the water bottle for him without question.

The bell rings for the start of seventh period and Luke groans. “I don’t want to go back to class.”

Trying to please Luke, or impress him, or help him, or something, Bobby offers, “We can just ditch. We can go back to your place and hang out with the other boys later.”

Luke nods. “Yeah. Okay.” Once seventh period is in session, the two boys walk out of the bathroom and head towards the music room where Bobby goes in and grabs Luke’s guitar. May it be said, that only when they are halfway to Luke’s house does Luke remember to put his shirt back on (much against his will).

The two walk out, heading to Luke’s house, the backs of their hands nearly touching. It puts Bobby’s heart into a flurry, and he doesn’t quite want to know why.

When the boys reach Luke’s house, they head for Luke’s bedroom. Luke throws his stuff aside, and flops on the bed. “No wonder Alex always feels so tired after one of these.”

Bobby chuckles and sets his bag down and kicks his shoes off beside it. “I’mma rummage through your closet for something soft to relax in.”

“M’kay.”

And as soon as Bobby opens the closet, an idea of ideas strike. “Luke, you said that sleeves and necklines only made breathing worse, right?”

Luke nods. “Yeah. Why?”

“Let’s cut off all your sleeves and necklines.”

Luke sits up. “That’s a great idea!”

Bobby rummages through his bookbag and grabs two pairs of scissors as Luke grabs all of his clothes off of his hangers and drops them on the ground beside them.

Bobby hands Luke a pair of scissors. “Ready?”

“Ready.”

They cut off every sleeve and every neckline of every pair of clothes. Except for the church ones, because Emily would _kill_ him otherwise. (As if Emily isn’t already going to kill them.)

When they’re finally done, an hour later, surrounded by shirts with sleeves and necklines cut off and scrap fabric littering the floor, Luke leans back and sighs contently. “Which one should I wear first?”

Bobby tosses him a faded blue shirt that has the Pillsbury Doughboy on the center of it. “Thanks.” Luke’s changes into his shirt. Luke does a little “Ta-da!” And spins around, showing off his new cut t-shirt. For some reason, Bobby finds it hard to avert his eyes, and he’s just slightly pissed at himself for whatever is going on in his brain.

Then the front door unlocks. “Lucas, I’m home!”

And then Luke and Bobby look at each other and panic just a little because they didn’t _quite_ think this through.

They scramble to pick up the scissors and scrap fabric and Luke frantically starts to shove his clothes in his closet.

Emily chooses that time to walk in. She takes a moment to look around the room before saying, “Do you want to explain to me, or should I ban you from scissors for life first?”

And reluctantly, Bobby and Luke sit down on Luke’s bed and explain everything from the beginning.

She banned Bobby and Luke from scissors for life, and grounded Luke for two days, claiming that his actions were justified, and that as long as it helped him, she can’t be too mad. Bobby and Luke failed to mention that they skipped seventh period, but figured they could get away with it just this once.

But she’s still banning them from scissors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short version: Luke has an anxiety attack, and feels like he can't breathe. Bobby helps him through it, and the two of them skip 7th period to go to Luke's house. Bobby gets the godawful idea to cut off all of Luke's sleeves and necklines on his shirt because it made him feel like he couldn't breathe.  
> And I've had this idea in my head for a while, no matter what universe line I'm in for JaTP, this is the reason that Luke doesn't wear sleeves most of the time (at least in my head).
> 
> Hope you laughed at their stupidity.  
> I will update tomorrow.


	7. Fifteen & A Half

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the long chapter we've been waiting for.  
> And this is the chapter where the style changes a bit more because I'm going to start fleshing out the chapters more because specific details are more important to me in this chapter and the upcoming ones.  
> And this is the chapter in which Alex reveals his sexuality, and Bobby uncovers some things for himself.

Bobby is fifteen when Alex starts acting weird.

Alex stops touching him and the other guys.

Alex’s eyes don’t quite maintain contact when speaking.

Alex’s anxiety attacks happen every few days.

Alex stops contributing to conversations.

Alex stops talking to them all together.

Luke is just pissed, going on a rant about how Alex is being dramatic, and a jerk, and he wonders why he was ever friends with him in the first place. Bobby knows that Luke is just hurting that Alex won’t talk to him anymore. This is Luke’s way of coping. Reggie shuts down. That’s his way of coping with Alex abandoning them. And Bobby figures shit out. Bobby doesn’t cope with stuff like this: he takes action because coping is only for when there’s nothing left he can do.

Bobby walks up to GinGin, his grandmother and asks her to drive him to Alex’s place. She does without question. She doesn’t need to. She already knows what’s going on, because despite him being closed off to the rest of the world, he’s an open book to GinGin.  
“GinGin, can you wait for me please?”

She nods. “Of course. If you take longer than twenty minutes, I’m coming in to tell you that I’m leaving without you.”

“I’ll try not to take that long.” Bobby steps out. “And could Alex come with us?”

“Of course. We’re grabbing Chinese takeout for dinner, and Alex is welcome to join.”

“Thank you, GinGin, you’re the best.”

“I know. Now get in there and check up on your friend.”

Bobby carefully walks up to the front steps of Alex’s home and knocks. Mrs. Mercer opens the door. It only takes her a second to hide her disdain at him. He knows what the look means. It means that she thinks Bobby isn’t a good friend for Alex. He’s just too black and blacker, cutoff leather jacket sleeves, combat boots, with a resting bitch face that just won’t stop.

Well, shame’s on her. At least his aesthetic doesn’t include tassel curtains and puke green kitchen walls.

“Is Alex home?”

“Yes, he’s doing homework upstairs.”

“May I see him?”

“Yes, come in.”

Bobby wipes his shoes off at the rug and steps in. Mrs. Mercer follows Bobby, watching him walk to Alex’s room. He passes Mr. Mercer reading a story book to Miranda (Mira) and Amanda (they aren’t twins). Mr. Mercer cheerfully waves, and the two girls do too. Bobby smiles a little and waves back.

When he reaches Alex’s room, he knocks. There’s no response. Bobby opens the door anyway, to see Alex curled on the center of his bed, head pressed into his knees, arms wrapped around his legs.

“Get away.”

“It’s Bobby.”

“And I’m Alex. Get out.”

Bobby doesn’t listen, and just sits on the bed next to Alex. Alex hisses. “Get your shoes off of my bed!” Alex madly lunges forward to start taking Bobby’s shoes off for him, not allowing his pristine condition room to get dirty. The room has light blue walls with pastel yellow curtains, and an antique white desk with every colored pencil, pen, and marker organized by color, brand, and writing utensil. The bedsheets are pastel yellow just like the curtains, and the pillows are blue and white striped. All in all, Alex’s room is organized to perfection due to anxiety.

As soon as Bobby’s shoes are off, Alex goes back to sulking. Alex scoots away from Bobby. Bobby scoots towards him. Alex scoots away more. Bobby scoots towards him. Alex scoots away.

At last Bobby gives up. “Why are you being so damn irritating?”

“Why are you?”

“Because you’re my friend and I want you back.”

“Not anymore, you don’t.”

Bobby rolls his eyes. “Yes I do. Seven years of friendship isn’t going down the drain just because you have a sour attitude and won’t tell me what the fucking problem is.”  


“Don’t curse in this house. Mom would freak,” he corrects, not even looking in Bobby’s eyes as he speaks. He mutters it with distaste.

“I think she’s already freaking out that I’m in the house in general. You know, definition of punk rock, and bad influence on her perfect son.” Bobby gestures towards his clothes.

Alex scoffs and looks away. “I’m not the perfect son. She won’t want anything to do with me.”

Bobby pauses for a moment and says in a grave kind of voice, “What are you talking about, Lexi?”

Alex looks towards the door where I walked in, and looked at me before carefully saying, “…What would you say if I didn’t like girls?”

“Well, then I would say that it’s all cool. You don’t have to like anybody.”

“Well, what would you say if didn’t like girls because I liked boys instead?” Bobby can see the panic rising in him. Alex’s face is bright red and nervous, tears filling the corners of his eyes. Bobby glances down to see his hand shaking, and can hear his heavy breathing, about to lead into hyperventilating.

Bobby places his hand on Alex’s shoulder and he flinches as Bobby carefully says, “I would say that the boy you end up dating is very lucky to have a guy as special as you.”

Alex looks into Bobby’s eyes for the first time all evening and asks, “Really?”

Bobby nods. “Yeah, really. And if anybody gives you shit, I’ll beat ‘em up, force them to see stars, and their faces will be black and blue for months.”

Alex wetly laughs and wipes his eyes with the sleeves of his soft yellow hoodie. “Please don’t.”  
“But I will. And Luke and Reggie will help me.”

Then Alex tenses again. “Will Luke and Reggie be okay with this too?”

Bobby nods, and tries not to notice the way Alex’s face gets redder as he says Luke’s name. “They’ll be okay with this. I promise.”

“Okay,” he says. But Bobby knows that Alex doesn’t believe him. It’s not either of their faults, it’s Alex’s anxiety throwing every worse-case scenario to the front of his mind, causing him to panic and be in Full Anxiety ModeTM every second of every day.

Bobby nudges Alex’s knee with his own. Bobby isn’t too big on hugs, even though the rest of the group is, but he’s willing to make an exception for this moment. “Lex, do you need a hug?”

Alex shakes his head. “I’m good.”

“You’re clearly not. You want a hug. Accept the damn affection.”

Alex hesitates before saying, “But, it won’t be weird, because I’m you know…”

“Gay?”

Alex’s eyes flit to the door for a second before looking back. “Yeah.”

“No, it won’t be weird. I’ve known you since you were six and I was seven. You’re my best friend in the whole fucking world, and just because you’re gay, doesn’t mean I won’t hug you. So, accept the affection, Mercer.”

Alex pauses only a moment, before burying his face in Bobby’s chest and holding on tight. Bobby rubs circles on his back, knowing that Alex is most likely to break down at any second.

“Thank you so much,” Alex murmurs.

“Well, no shit,” Bobby says.

After a few minutes, Alex leans away from the hug and says, “Thank you, again.”

“You’re welcome. Now let’s see if you can join me and GinGin and Pops for dinner. It’s Chinese takeout.”

Alex wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie. “Chinese?”

“Yep. And see if you can spend the night too. I’ll try to convince GinGin to let the whole group stay. She won’t say no because you're her favorite.”

Alex laughs. “Obviously. I’m awesome.”

“Great. Pack your bags. I hope you aren’t going anywhere tomorrow because you’ll have to cancel.”

Alex laughs and carefully folds his clothes into his bag, checking the list taped to the inside of his closet door telling him everything he needs to pack for a sleepover.

  * 2 shirts
  * 1 hoodie 
  * 1 hat
  * 1 pair of pants
  * 1 pair of shorts
  * Socks and underwear
  * Shoes
  * Pajamas
  * Drumsticks
  * Toothbrush and toothpaste and floss
  * Hairbrush
  * Fanny pack 



Bobby watches Alex mentally check everything off the list and place it all in his overnight bags. Bobby pulls his shoes back on and leaves the room saying, “I’m telling your parents you’re coming with me.”

Bobby walks downstairs and makes his way to the living-room where Alex’s dad and sisters are. “Mr. Mercer, can Alex spend the night at my place? My GinGin is cool with it.”

Mr. Mercer sets down the storybook and says, “Yes, of course. Tell your GinGin thank you for driving you over.” Mr. Mercer lowers his voice and says, “Alex hasn’t quite been himself for a few weeks now, and I’m glad she brought you over to figure out what’s wrong. He refused to tell me or Sophie.”

Bobby nods. “Will do.” Bobby waves to Amanda and Mira and they crawl over each other to get to him.

“Bobby, where’d ya get the jacket?” Mira asks.

Bobby chuckles. “I bought it with Reg. He got the one with sleeves though, since he’s always cold.”

Amanda asks, “Did Alex get one?”

Bobby shakes his head. “Nah, he got the jean jacket. He said that leather wasn’t his “style.” It doesn’t go with snapbacks and fanny packs.” The two of them giggle.

Amanda asks, “Did you dye your hair black to get it that dark?”

Bobby chuckles. “No. I was born with black hair, just like you have blonde.”

Alex walks down the stairs a few seconds later with his bag slung over his back. “So, um, can I go?”

Mr. Mercer cranes his head to look over the couch and says, “Of course you can go. Just tell your Mom bye.”

Bobby waves his hand to the family in the living room and heads out to the car ahead of Alex. He hops in the back and GinGin asks, “How’d it go?”

“Alex is staying the night. Oh, and the others too, hopefully. Is that okay with you?”

GinGin nods. “Of course, Robert. You boys need bonding time after Alex’s whole identity crisis.”

Bobby frowns. He didn’t mean to reveal Alex’s secret. He would never. _But did he_? “I never said anything about an identity crisis.”

GinGin laughs. “But I could tell. I had one too when I was his age. It ended with me getting four piercings in one ear, three in another, a tattoo on my thigh, and blonde streaks in my hair. That stage of my life ended when I turned nineteen and discovered that I only did it to spite my parents.”

Bobby laughs. “GinGin! You never told me that!”  


“I was waiting to tell you when you had your identity crisis.”

Alex opens the car door and slides in next to Bobby. “Hello Mrs. Marshall.”

“Oh gosh, that makes me sound so young and so old at the same time. Maybe you should just stick to GinGin like you used when you were younger, Alexander.”

“Yes Ma’am.”

Then Alex turns to Bobby. “Who are we picking up first?”  


“Uh, I think Luke. And Reggie is most likely to already be at Luke’s house because they said something about going through the attic for a banjo?”

Alex nods. “Noted. But please don’t ask them what they were actually doing, in case they were searching for a banjo. It will end with Reggie playing us every song he knows for five hours with Luke in the background screaming ‘make it stop’!”

Bobby chuckles and turns to GinGin. “And then Chinese?”

“Of course. Now buckle up, or I’m not giving you your fortune cookies.”

“Yes, GinGin.”

They’re fine, just the two of them, but as soon as Alex and Bobby walk into the Patterson household, Alex tenses up again. Alex’s hands are in his hoodie pocket, and allows his hair to fall in front of his face, covering his eyes. His posture is all slumped over, and GinGin would have a fit if she saw him right now, not acting like a respectable young man.

Bobby nudges his foot with his own, as Mitch calls out, “Luke, Reggie, your friends are here!”

Above us, there’s an array of noises until finally Reggie and Luke come rushing down the hall. And they don’t even have an upstairs! They show up smelling like attic and old yellow foam, and wood shavings. Mitch walks out of the room.

Reggie runs up to Alex and pulls him into a hug. Alex stumbles back a bit and quickly breaks the hug. Reggie glances up at Alex, and Bobby can practically see the heartbreak radiating off of both of them. “…Lex?”

Alex mumbles, “Maybe later, k?” Reggie nods, not really looking like he believe it and backs away.

And Luke stays staring at the doorway. “Here to apologize for being a jerk?”

Alex nods. “I’m just really sorry, and don’t have anything to say for myself right now, but I’ll promise I’ll explain it all tonight. Well, if you want. GinGin is getting us takeout Chinese, and I was going to stay the night.”

Luke curtly nods. “Okay.” Then he stares Alex down. “You better have a good explanation, or I’m taking back the friendship bracelet Reggie made for you.”

Reggie laughs. “Luke, you didn’t even give it to him!”

“Yeah, but I’ll take back the friendship.”

And though Reggie and Luke are joking around, Bobby can see that Alex takes it literally. They are perfectly capable of revoking their friendship with him (even though they most definitely won’t) and Alex realizes this.

Bobby cuts in to help lessen Alex’s panic. “Go pack your bags. GinGin is leaving in ten minutes whether you’re in the car or not. And if you have any plans for tomorrow, cancel them because I don’t care, we’re hanging out and eating Chinese and doing group bonding shit as GinGin puts it.”

They nod and scramble to Luke’s room to pack their things. Reggie comes back out slowly, and kind of sheepishly. Bobby raises his eyebrows at him in question. Reggie mumbles, “I forgot that I have nothing to pack.”

Bobby nods. “Meh. We’re the same size, and we have the same black and leather style, so you can borrow my clothes. And you left your purple flannel there last time you spent the night.”

Reggie nods. “Perfect! Thanks!”

Bobby confidently walks (though that’s nothing new) into the kitchen to ask Emily and Mitch if Luke can stay the night. “Of course. Just call if Luke is being bratty. He’s been in a foul sort of mood, going on about Alex, and if he’s still that way this evening, I won’t hesitate to come pick him up.”

“Thanks Emily. And don’t worry, GinGin will drive him home herself if he’s a jerk. She’s done it to my cousins before.”

Emily nods and sips her tea. “Good to know. And, um, no sneaking out to the pound this time. He’s not getting a puppy.”

Bobby sighs. That was a fun sleepover. And it wasn’t actually sneaking out, if GinGin and Pops were both out of town. But he says anyway, “Yes, Emily.”

“Good. Now go enjoy yourselves.”

Luke runs out of his room, a duffel bag thrown over one shoulder, a guitar case thrown over the other, and an awful, bright orange beanie being pulled on his head.

“Grab a jacket Lucas!”

“I already have one Emily!”

“Sleeveless doesn’t count.”

“It does if it has a hood.” He kisses his Mom on the cheek and runs out the door before she can protest.

The four of them bundle into the car, Bobby taking shotgun. Nobody speaks. Bobby is never one to speak on and on like Reggie or Luke might. Alex is probably too anxious to say anything, Luke still hasn’t _quite_ forgiven Alex yet, and Reggie has shut down. Reggie might joke around and add to conversations when he’s upset, but it’s always forced, and Bobby is pretty sure that Reggie can’t really force conversation right now. God bless GinGin who takes up the car ride conversation and turns on the radio.

“When I was about you boys’ ages, I had an identity crisis of my own.”

Bobby suppresses a groan. He isn’t _quite_ ready to hear about his grandmother’s childhood that most _definitely_ involved lots of her dating around as she’s said before.

“It all started when my best friend, Susan Drawling, moved to Sapulpa Oklahoma halfway through the school year, right before my fifteenth birthday.”

Bobby looks in the rearview mirror, and sees everyone in the back looking just a little confused, but intrigued at the same time.

When they pull up to the Chinese place, GinGin pauses the story and sends Bobby and Luke inside to grab the food. She winks at Bobby, and Bobby can’t help but wonder what she thinks is going on.

Luke walks in with him, less pissed than before, but still looking very pissed. “Why does Alex think that he can ignore us for two weeks and act all moody, and then waltz right up in my house and says that we’re spending the night at your house, acting like he’s all forgiven already?”

Bobby takes a deep breath. He carefully words his response. “Look, Luke, Alex has been going through a lot lately. And he wasn’t trying to ignore you.” Luke looks like he doesn’t believe him. Bobby words the next part very carefully. “Just something that..happened to him made him think that you wouldn’t want to be his friend anymore, so he tried to drift away to protect himself.”

Luke turns to face Bobby. “Why does he think we won’t want to be his friend anymore? What could he have done that would make us hate him?”

Bobby shoves his hands in his pockets. “Nothing. He didn’t do anything wrong. He just got worried.”

Luke nods. “Okay. But—”

“Luke, that’s all I’m telling you.” Luke looks at Bobby with puppy dog eyes, and Bobby finds it increasingly harder to resist. “No, Luke! Alex will tell you, I promise, it’s his thing to say, so let him say it.”

Luke pouts. “But he told you…”

Bobby rolls his eyes. “Because I was the only one that sought him out and asked him what was going on in a place where he felt safe enough to answer. You just ranted about him, and Reggie shut down because he has abandonment issues.”

Luke stays silent. Good. The cashier says, “And you have six dollars and 17 cents in change. Enjoy your meal!”

Bobby nods and accepts the change and meals.

When Bobby and Luke get back out to the car, Bobby realizes that he left Alex alone with Reggie and GinGin which is the worst combination he can think of at the moment. As soon as they’re buckled up, GinGin continues her story. “As soon as I sat in the saloon seat for my tattoo on my thigh, I realized that I was making a huge mistake. There was no way that I wanted my boyfriends name tattooed to my thigh, especially since I was only sixteen at the time. But, at that point, I believed it was too late. I had committed to doing it, and I was never one to back down. I was not going to chicken out, I was going to be the last kid standing, even if it meant I had to get a tattoo that I did not want…”

Bobby tries to listen to his grandmother’s story, but of course his brain is wandering off. He was thinking back to that awful 7th grade Sex-ED class with the batshit crazy teacher. Alex had said that he felt the same way Bobby did about sex: that he didn’t know if he wanted to have sex. He probably realized he felt that way because he didn’t like girls. But what about Bobby? He doesn’t want to have sex. Is that because he likes boys?

No.

Bobby likes girls. A lot. He just doesn’t want to take that…extra step.

So, no, he’s not like Alex. Bobby likes girls.

So, Bobby’s convinced, that there is _still_ something wrong with him.

And just as Bobby thinks he’s settled in the fact, that there is still something wrong with him, his brain wanders back to the first thought. _Does he like boys_?

Is that even possible since he likes girls?

No. Yes? Maybe? Maybe.

Bobby starts to think about the people he likes, and lets his mind take him wherever. And with lots of thought, he concludes, that yes, he might like boys too.

Because boys are pretty, just like the girls.

And their smiles can be just as captivating.

And he could probably fall in love with a guy just from his voice alone. Because if they can sing, he’s already writing his wedding vows.

And Bobby’s pretty sure that if he were to kiss a pretty guy, he might just melt to the ground like he almost did when Sarah Roberts held his hand last year.

So, Bobby is fifteen and a half when Alex came out to him.

He is fifteen and a half when he tells Alex that they're best friends no matter what.

And Bobby is fifteen and a half when Bobby discovers that he might like boys too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos are much appreciated, and I will be thankful for every last one.  
> And if you comment, I want to hear your favorite part or favorite quote. I like to know what my readers like best about my story.  
> Thanks!  
> And read on! The next chapter will be up tonight or tomorrow.  
> :)


	8. Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there are any POV errors. I wrote it and then put it up. I normally write in first person POV, but I know that fanfics are better in third person selective, so I wrote this chapter and scanned it, and if there are any errors, I'm sorry and will hopefully find them later. 
> 
> But, basically, Bobby is sad, and then Reggie cheers him up. And Reggie maybe works for the mafia or local crime gang as an errand boy and Bobby is kind of freaked out?????  
> Yeah, this is my favorite chapter, so read on.

Bobby is sixteen when Luke decides to start a band called Sunset Curve with the four of them. Luke doesn’t consult them about the name or anything. He just tells them to meet up in Bobby’s garage the next afternoon, and to bring their instruments. It’s not like any of them could refuse anyway.

The way Luke talks about music, makes his whole face light up, the world around him seeming to glow. Bobby’s never felt more content than when he’s with Luke. Bobby can picture growing old with Luke (and the rest of the band), being happy and _together_ until they die.

Bobby is sixteen when he finally figures out that he’s had a crush on Luke since the day they met.

And it’s…exhilarating to know that at least he understands something that’s going on in his life. But it’s also…disappointing to know that he can never tell Luke, because if he does, he’ll be rejected. And to be rejected by Luke, the best person in Bobby’s world would make the world feel like it’s collapsing around him.

Bobby is sixteen when he walks into the garage to see Luke and Alex kissing.

It’s a terrifying sight to walk into at first. Luke and Alex didn’t even realize he was there, so Bobby backed out slowly, extremely mortified at what he had witnessed for a number of reasons. And he’s convinced that he’s hallucinating or something, having a fever dream or nightmare.

After a few days, Bobby’s finally resigned to the fact that Luke and Alex are probably dating. Or hooking up. But Bobby doesn’t want to think about that. Actually, he doesn’t want to think about either. And it’s the most uncomfortable thing to ever think about, but he feels like it _is_ all he thinks about. And he wishes the thoughts would just stop.

Bobby is sixteen when accidentally overhears Luke and Alex’s love confessions.

Bobby doesn’t mean to, just like he didn’t mean to walk in on them kissing, but he does anyway.

Luke has a scheduled band practice for later, but Bobby is home from his job at the grocery store thirty minutes early. He hears noises in the garage, so he just assumes that one or two or all of the guys are in there. He hears static coming from the radio as it plays some playful sounding love song. Only when he’s about to open the doors does he realize what’s going on.

He peers in through the windows to see Luke and Alex dancing along to the music, laughing as they spin each other around and hold each other close.

Bobby wants to look away. He wants to look away so badly and forget he ever saw this, but he can’t. He can’t, even though he tries so bad. He just watches and lets his heart break.

And as the song ends, Luke pulls Alex closer. He can see the words form on Luke’s mouth. _I love you, Alex_.

And Bobby can see Alex’s blush rising, and he pulls back and bit, bright red. And for a moment, Bobby thinks that Alex’s not going to say the words back. But he does. _I love you too, Luke._

They lean in for a soft kiss, and Bobby has never wanted to get away more than in that moment.

So he does. He runs far. He runs till he reaches Reggie’s house, hoping for some consultation, even though he never wants to admit his embarrassingly large crush on the one Luke Patterson. When he reaches Reggie’s house, he hears the yelling. Bobby doesn’t even reach the front porch before he heads towards the beach and on the dock where Reggie likes to sleep all night and watch the sunrise and sunset.

Bobby walks up to Reggie, who has his eyes closed, and he says, “Hey, Bobby.”

“How’d’ya know it was me?”

“You have distinct footsteps.”

“Creepy. But cool.”

“Yeah. So, what’s up? I can hear the tears in your voice.”

Bobby lays down next to Reggie. “I’m not crying.”

Reggie sits up and wipes the tears away for Bobby. “Yeah, you are.” Bobby looks away. Reggie turns serious. “What’s wrong?”

Bobby takes a deep breath. “You know the night that Alex came out to us?” He doesn’t even wait for Reggie’s response as he continues. “Well, I did some thinking of my own. And I still like girls, but I’m pretty sure I like guys too.”

“How did you figure it out?”

Bobby shrugs. “Lots of small moments.” He takes a deep breath. “And then a few months later, I discovered that I had a crush on someone.”

Reggie wiggles his eyebrows. “Ooh. Who’s the lucky guy? Wait, it’s a guy right? Or is it a girl? Is it someone I know? Do they like you back?”

Bobby would normally chuckle at Reggie’s questions, but he just doesn’t have the heart. Bobby can tell that it takes Reggie a moment, but soon he realizes that Reggie knows? “You just confessed your feelings and they don’t like you back?”

Bobby sits up and shakes his head. “No. I wish, though. That would be better than this.”

Reggie’s eyes go wide. “Oh, I’m so sorry! What happened?”

“You know that Alex is dating Luke, right?”

Reggie nods. “Yeah. I caught them holding hands and kissing a few times. What’s this have to do with your crush?”

Bobby tries to hold back more tears. Tears are not punk rock, and crying over unrequited crushes are just pathetic. But he continues anyway because it feels so good to just let his emotions out to Reggie. “I went to the garage early, and I heard music in the garage. So I went up to the windows, and they were dancing and laughing and smiling. And I couldn’t look away, even though all I wanted to do was run, and then Luke told Alex that he loved him. And Alex said it back. I had to run. I came to find you. And Reg, it hurts so much?”

Reggie’s face dawns with understanding. “Come here.” Bobby shakes his head. He doesn’t want a hug. “Come on, I know you need a hug.” Bobby shakes his head like a child. He doesn’t want a hug! And then he breaks and falls into Reggie’s embrace.

“Reg, I don’t know how to get over my crush, and I don’t really know if I want too.”

“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to get over Alex.”

It takes Bobby about half a second to realize that Reggie said Alex’s name. “It’s not Alex,” he mumbles.

“But I could have sworn it was him. There’s no way that you have a crush on Lu—oh. Yeah, that makes more sense.”

Bobby sniffles and laughs a bit, but he still feels like shit. After a moment, Reggie exclaims, “I have the perfect idea on how to cheer you up!”

Bobby looks up. “I highly doubt that.”

Reggie shakes his head. “None of that. I’ve been waiting for the perfect occasion to do this. Alex would never do it with me. He would probably freak out or something. And Luke’s mom would probably find out if he did it with me, so you’re the best bet!”

Bobby softly shakes his head. “I don’t like the sound of what you’re planning.”

Reggie laughs. “Come on, you can’t truly live up to your claimed ‘aesthetic’ if you don’t do this with me.”

Bobby accepts Reggie’s hand to help him stand up, and then he dusts the sand off himself. “Look, nobody insults my aesthetic and gets away with it. I accept your idea, and if it’s a dumb one, I’m walking out and crying to GinGin.”

Reggie nods. “Got it. But you’re gonna love it. Come on.”

Bobby lets Reggie lead him across town to a shady street with questionable shops set up. “Reg, where are you taking me?”

“Quiet. You’ll see.”

When they are face to face with a tattoo parlor, Bobby shakes his head. “You’ve got to be kidding me. They won’t even accept minors without adult supervision!”

“Hey, your GinGin got it done illegally, it won’t be much harder for us. Besides, I know a guy who owes me a favor. They’ll do it. And most likely for free too.”

Bobby backs up. “Whoah. Reg, what kind of favor do they owe you? And why do they owe it to you in the first place? And why would they illegally do it to minors for _free_?”

Reggie laughs. “Don’t ask questions.”

“Can you at least tell me what you did for them?”

Reggie looks at Bobby dead in the eyes and says, “It’s better if no one knows.”

Bobby takes a step away. “You didn’t hide a body, did you?”

Reggie shakes his head. “Nah. Just ran errands for…something…for a while.”

Bobby doesn’t really _want_ to know what Reggie did anymore, but is fairly certain that Reggie was involved in something illegal, probably pertaining to drug trades, or maybe hiding evidence of some sort. Maybe he ran errands for the mafia. “Yeah, I think I’m good not knowing now.”

Reggie leads them into the parlor and walks right up to the counter. The guy at the counter raises an eyebrow in question. Reggie leans forward and says, “Send out John.”

The counter guy looks at him skeptically, but does it anyway. This “John” guy comes out and frowns at Reggie. “Hello, Johnathan Muller. I believe I’m owed a favor.” John, in question, raises his eyebrows. (Why do these shady people raise their eyebrows all the time?) Reggie pulls out his wallet and points out something, hopefully an ID card.

“Ah, you’re Reginald James Peter. The little messenger boy. I’m assuming you’re caching in on your favor?”

Reggie nods and goes from his serious demeanor to a happy one again. “My buddy Bobby here is having some heartbreak, so I dragged him along for tattoos.”

The John guy laughs. “Ah, the perfect solution to any heartbreak. You’re a good friend. What design do you want?”

Bobby watches the entire conversation unfold, and he’s just a little mortified. Reggie turns to Bobby. “I was thinking the Sunset Curve design. Do you think you can draw it?”

Bobby scoffs. “Of course I can. I designed it myself.”

Reggie hands Bobby a piece of paper, “Here.” Bobby takes the paper and accepts a pencil from John, and begins to draw the logo at the counter for them.

Bobby tries not to notice John gesturing for Reggie to follow him to the back, and Reggie accepting the invitation. A few minutes later, Reggie comes back, tucking a piece of paper in his wallet. Bobby whispers, “What was that?”

“Just my next assignment.”

Bobby looks at Reggie, eyes wide, a little mortified. “Reggie, you can’t just—”

“Hey, no questions, no comments, and you get a free tattoo with your best friend.” Reggie leans forward and uses his hands to close Bobby’s mouth that is hanging wide open. “Just draw. It’s fine, I promise.”

A few minutes later, Bobby produces the drawing and hands it to the counter guy. “Wow, you’re a good artist kid. You can probably get a job here if you want.”

Bobby shakes his head. “Um, no thanks.”

“To each his own, kid. I’ll get this scanned and traced, and Elizabeth over there will bring you to the next room for the tattoos.”

Bobby nods, more out of sheer panic and fear than actual understanding.

A couple hours later, Bobby walks out of the salon, hands shaking, still a little scared, even though the whole encounter is over, and Reggie skipping out beside him. Bobby reaches down to feel the red skin on his hip where the new tattoo is. He winces a little because the skin is still sore. “Good distraction?”

Bobby nods, still dazed. “Good distraction.”

Reggie, ever the koala bear (or monkey) (or octopus) (or—you get the point), swings his arm over Bobby’s shoulder, and drags him across town, not letting Bobby free. Reggie drags Bobby into the pizzeria and says, “Choose literally any pizza you want. I’m paying.”

“Reg, that’s not necessa—”

Reggie puts his finger to Bobby’s lips. “Shush. You need a distraction, and happiness, and you can’t be fully happy if you don’t have the pizza you want. Besides, I have a discount here.”

Before Bobby can ask about the discount, Reggie raps his knuckles on the counter and says, “A number four, holiday special please.”

And before Bobby can ask about whatever that was, the cashier leans forward to ask, “Extra anchovies, no sauce?”

Reggie nods. “I’ll break a twenty.”

The man nods and leads Reggie to the back. Reggie comes back with a duffle bag. “Bobbers, I’ll be right back. It’ll only take like ten minutes. Tell the guy you’re with me, and he’ll give you the discount. If he asks you about Harrison Marker, say that you don’t know who that is.”

“I already don’t know who that is,” Bobby says, kind of panicked.

“Good. I’ll be back.” He waves and skips off as if he isn’t casually working for the mafia or something of the sorts.

Bobby turns to the cashier. “He’s your friend?” Bobby nods. “Ah, he’s a good kid.” Bobby nods again. “So, what do you want?” Bobby looks at the menu and orders. He sticks with simple pepperoni and cheese pizza with thick crust, but asks for a fuck ton of green olives.

Reggie comes back a few minutes later, smelling distinctly of pinewood. At this point, Bobby doesn’t even _want_ to know what on _earth_ Reggie could be up to with the _extremely_ shady group he just _happens_ to run errands for.

As Bobby waits for the pizza, his thoughts start to drift back to the Alex and Luke love confessions that he wishes he could just _forget_.

As if Reggie could read Bobby’s mind, he nudges him and says, “Uh-uh. None of that. Don’t think about Luke for just one hour. We can do whatever, but you don’t get to think about him. Got it?” Bobby nods, but doesn’t truly commit to his nod. Reggie starts to tell him a story about the time he found two cats at the beach and tried to keep them despite his allergy when he was ten. Bobby was there for the whole event, but Bobby still listened to it, loving the distraction that Reggie was giving him.

When they’re done eating the pizza, Reggie drags him to the beach. “Reg, I have to get back to my house.”

Reggie shakes his head. “Tomorrow is Sunday. You don’t have to go to bed early tonight.”

“Yeah, but we missed band practice.”

Reggie freezes on the spot. “Shit, Luke’s gonna kill us!”

Bobby freezes. They always joke that Luke could be married to music, and if they forgot about his true love, music, they’re practically dead men.

Reggie starts to run to the garage at Bobby’s house, halfway across town, before Bobby stops him. “Wait, we need to bribe him?”

Reggie pauses. “What do you have in mind?”

“We could buy Luke his favorite treat, you know, the sugary fruit slices thing, and you know, apologize with puppy dog faces.”

Bobby watches the gears turn in Reggie’s head. “Yeah, that should work. And you are so in love to remember his favorite candy.”

Bobby nudges him. “Shut up.” And then, “Yeah, we better get a move on it.”

Luke doesn’t kill them, per se, but he does add two extra practices that week, causing everyone’s homework grade to drop except Reggie’s.

Bobby is sixteen when Alex and Luke tell the rest of the band.

Just as practice finishes, Reggie tosses Luke a towel, and they all practically inhale their water. After they’re had a chance to breathe for a few minutes, Luke walks over to Alex. “Um, there’s something we want to tell you guys.” Bobby knows what’s coming. Hell, Reggie knows what’s coming. “Me and Alex…”

Alex finishes for him. “Um, well, me and Luke are dating. But we promise it won’t affect the band. Pinky swear.”

Luke nudges Alex and says, “Isn’t pinky swearing for kids, Alexander?” As he looks up at him with love in his eyes.

Bobby feels sick.

Reggie spares Bobby a glance as if to say sorry, then rushes forward to congratulate the two of them. “I’m so glad you guys told us! We’ve been waiting!”

“Waiting?” Alex asks.

“Yeah…Bobby and I have known for a while.”

After a moment, Luke comes up to Bobby. Bobby takes a half-step back. “This is okay, right? You’re okay with me and Alex dating?”

Bobby nods. “Yeah.”

Luke scans his face and says, “You’re lying.”

And of course Bobby’s lying. He’s not okay with it because he’s desperately in love with Luke. But he can’t tell Luke that. “I’m okay with it. Honestly. I’m just really fucking worn out. And I’m glad you guys finally told us.”

Luke seems to relax at that. “Thanks Bobster.”

Bobby snorts. “No shit. I practically told Alex to go after you.”

Alex chimes in from the other side of the room. “No you didn’t.”

Bobby sticks his tongue out at him in response. Alex laughs and Luke joins him. Bobby can see why Alex fell in love with Luke.

“I’m going to head up to shower. Catch you guys later.”

They all wave goodbye. As soon as Bobby makes it in the house, Pops stops him. “We heard you guys from inside. Great job out there today.”

“Thank you,” Bobby says, and then walks past, heading up to the shower. He’s fine. And then he eats dinner and he’s fine. And then he’s ready for bed and he’s fine. And then as he lays in his bed, he lets out a choked sob and lets the tears pour.

So, Bobby is sixteen when Luke decides to start a band called Sunset Curve with the four of them.

Bobby is sixteen when he finally figures out that he’s had a crush on Luke since the day they met.

Bobby is sixteen when he walks into the garage to see Luke and Alex kissing.

Bobby is sixteen when accidentally overhears Luke and Alex’s love confessions.

Bobby is sixteen when Alex and Luke tell the rest of the band.

…And Bobby is sixteen when he can feel his heart shatter one piece at a time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos are much appreciated.   
> I hope you like this chapter as much as I do.  
> But Reggie being an errand boy for the local crime gang is just so??? realistic??? Reggie??? I don't really know, but I feel like that's the kind of thing Reggie gets up to in his free time to make money and stuff or to distract from his parent's fighting.  
> And sorry not sorry about the pain. 
> 
> :)


	9. Sixteen & A Half

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I made it better for like, .5 seconds, then I made it sad again, then I fixed it, then I made it sad again because I have problems with keeping characters happy.  
> And I PROMISE that next chapter, they will be happy. Happy for the most part, at least.
> 
> Also, TW: Brief, brief, brief, brief mention of cuts. Like, it's there for one line.
> 
> Read on and enjoy!!

Bobby is sixteen and a half when his heart can’t take it anymore. He’s _in love_ with Luke, and if he doesn’t do something about it soon, he’s going to combust. Probably in rage or something with an excessive amount of cursing that Alex would probably scold him for.

Bobby is sixteen and a half when Alex and Luke call it quits. Their words to the band still rung through his head like a broken record.

Luke said, “It turns out that we aren’t in love. We were kind of in love with the idea of being together, and it was kind of convenient, considering we’re the only queer guys we know.”

Alex cuts in, “But we still love each other. A lot. We just aren’t _in love_ and though it took us a long time to figure that out, we’re here now. And we’re still best friends. We promised ourselves that from the start.”  


Reggie seemed to understand.

Bobby understood. In fact, it’s all that he’s thought about. The band won’t break apart. But if the scenario were Luke and Bobby, would it end the same way? Would Luke be done with him, and Bobby still madly in love to the point where they couldn’t stand to be around each other? Or would they break up in flames, screaming at each other? Or would it be a quiet breakup where they slowly drift away from each other? Or would they never break up?

No.

That’s wishful thinking, because there is no way that the one and only Luke Patterson would fall in love with him and stay in love with him. Bobby’s simply lucky enough to have accepted Luke’s friendship, even though it got off with a _very_ rocky start.

And Bobby is sixteen and a half when Luke knocks on his front door in the middle of the night. Bobby can hear him from downstairs. “I just came to see Bobby?” There’s sniffles in his voice.

Bobby can hear GinGin saying in reply, “Of course, come in. I’ll fix some hot chocolate.” Then with a loud, ear splitting shout, she screams, “ROBERT! GET DOWNSTAIRS! LUCAS IS HERE TO SEE YOU!”

Bobby trudges out of his bed, hair ruffled. He throws on a sweater (it’s black, surprise, surprise) to hide the scars on his wrist that he doesn’t have time to cover.

He walks into the kitchen to see Luke sitting on top of the island counter, hugging himself, tear tracks on his face.

Bobby just walks forward and helps Luke down from the counter. And Luke hugs him. And Bobby hugs back. And Bobby decides that he could live forever with affection like this, just holding onto each other, nothing more needed, as long as Luke loved him back, like Bobby knows he never will.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Bobby whispers.

“Well, I got into a fight with Emily again, and it was one of the worst ones, and I was fine, but then I started thinking about the breakup, you know? And I was fine with it, I wanted it, but it still hurts. We dated for a while, so I had _feelings._ But I don’t want to date him again, and it hurts, but I’m not upset that I broke up with _Alex,_ more upset that I just broke up, but it still hurts. And…just…I don’t know why, but I came here first. And it wasn’t to use the studio, it was to see you, but I don’t really want to hang out, I just want to sleep, or something. And and and and—”

“Okay, Luke, take a breath with me. I’m glad you came here, and we don’t have to hang out. We can have hot chocolate and settle down for bed. I promise.”

Luke nods but doesn’t say anything. GinGin walks over to hand them hot chocolate, and Luke settles back down on the counter. Bobby sighs but climbs up next to him.

After a minute, Luke whispers, “What if it was all a fluke?”

Bobby scrunches his face up. “What if what was all a fluke?”  
“Dating Alex. Well, not that, but liking boys.”

Ah. Bobby understands that. He thinks about it a lot, but then his heart reminds him that he is madly, wildly, in love with Luke. “Well, it _may have been_ all a fluke.” He hears Luke’s breath hitch, but continues, “But I don’t think it was. You were confident in your decision. If you decide late on in life that it was all a fluke, that’s o k a y. You didn’t do it to toy with Alex’s feelings, and you didn’t use him, so I promise, it’s fine.”

Luke laughs wetly and wipes his nose. “Why do you have the ability to read my mind?”

“Because I’m a super hero.”

“Then can I be your sidekick?”

Bobby shakes his head. “Nah, you’re my partner.”

“Cool, what powers do I get?”

“You get a pretty voice.”

Luke nudges him. “That’s no fair. I already _have_ a pretty voice. I have the _best_ voice.”

Bobby laughs. “Yeah, I guess you do.” And in a way, he’s admitting to his crush. If Luke notices the love dripping from Bobby’s voice, he doesn’t say anything.

And GinGin being GinGin speaks up from the sink. “Lucas, you have a broken heart, and the best way to get over him is to find someone new.”

Bobby and Luke both whip their heads to look at GinGin. They both forgot she was in here. Luke carefully asks, “So, you’re okay with me having dating Alex?”

GinGin cackles (CACKLES) and replies, “Of course. If you listened to my identity crisis story, you would have realized that I was madly in love with my best friend Susan that moved. I was convinced I would never find love again.”

Luke visibly reacts, and Bobby says with a soft smile, “And then you found Pops.”

GinGin cackles again. “Yes, and then I found Pops, but I wasn’t in love with him. I _loathed_ him. Hated him with all my being. And then he proposed out of spite to his parents. And I said yes because I was trying to spite Susan in some way that she would never realize, and was trying to spite my parents because they loathed Pops as well.”

Luke looks back at Bobby with wide eyes. “Your grandmother is my new favorite person.”

And a small smile graces his face. “Well, I’m pretty sure you’re my favorite person.” And then Bobby mentally scolds himself for saying, and for saying it with such love.

Luke scoffs. “Sure, okay.”

GinGin takes the mugs from their hands, remnants of their cold hot chocolate sitting in the bottom. “Go up to bed now, you two. And get some sleep. You need it. Both of you.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Bobby says.

“Lucas, you too.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good.” She kisses both of their foreheads goodnight and shoves them upstairs. Bobby turns on his bedroom light and rummages through the closet for something for Luke to wear. Bobby finds one of Luke’s cutoff shirts he left last time, and hands him a pair of sweatpants. Luke thanks him and goes to change in the restroom.

Luke comes back and flicks off the light switch. He crawls into the bed next to Bobby and Bobby tries to control his breathing because LUKE PATTERSON is lying down next to him. Bobby watches the flicker of stars and the moon in the sky barely illuminate the features on Luke’s face through the curtain on the window. Bobby wishes he could just lean forward, a few more inches and softly kiss Luke.

But he can’t.

So he doesn’t.

Bobby eventually falls asleep, and he’s sure that Luke does the same not long after.

Bobby wakes up in the middle of the night to a nightmare. It’s not screaming. It’s not crying. It’s just silently waking up in a cold sweat, panic seeping through his bones. Bobby starts shaking. _The dream felt so real_. It didn’t have monsters or death or anything out of a horror movie, it was just his friends yelling at him to get out and get away, and to never speak to him again, and they _hate_ him so much. Bobby can’t stop shaking.

He doesn’t notice Luke wake up beside him until Luke’s arms are around him. Bobby leans into the hug. He whispers, “It all just felt so real.” Luke only holds him tighter. “I know that it would never happen, it just was so damn real.”

Luke whispers, barely heard in the night, “Hey, it’s over now. I’m right here.” Once Bobby stops shaking, he tries to lean away, but Luke pulls him right back in. “Nu-uh. If you lean away, the nightmare will come right back.”

So, Bobby stays there because even though the logic _is_ arguable, he doesn’t really want to argue. He lays there throughout the night, having the best sleep he’s had in ages all because Luke’s arms around him remind him that he’s safe, and all his friends still love him no matter what.

So, Bobby is sixteen and a half when his heart can’t take it anymore.

Bobby is sixteen and a half when Alex and Luke call it quits.

Bobby is sixteen and a half when Luke knocks on his front door in the middle of the night.

And Bobby is sixteen and a half when he determines that he will never love anyone as much as he loves Luke Patterson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, sorry not sorry?  
> I enjoyed writing this chapter a lot because they are one step closer to admitting their feelings.  
> The next chapter will be up either some time tonight or tomorrow.
> 
> :)


	10. Sixteen & Three Quarters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, this chapter stemmed from the idea that the band knows that Bobby is asexual because he described it to where they understand but they still don't have a name for it, and I was just casually mention it in the next chapter, but then I decided that I wanted to do a short chapter where he tells them. Well, then my brain felt the need to bring up Reggie's job with the maybe mafia again, so here we are.  
> And yes, I realize it's the nineties, but books like this could be found back then. It wasn't as wide-spread or advertised, but they were there. I did my research.  
> It's not a super long chapter, but it's not too short either.  
> So, yeah, read on.

Bobby is sixteen and three quarters when he decides to tell the band about how he never wants to have sex. Ever. And how he doesn’t want long, messy kisses. And how he wants the _romance_ and the love in a relationship, but he doesn’t _ever_ want _sex_. And how he would be okay with feeling soft, smooth skin on someone’s top half, but not on the bottom half, as long as nothing was _sexualized_.

And…the band accepts that. Of course they do. I mean, why would they hate him for never wanting _sex_ when they’re A-Ok with Alex is gay, and Luke likes boys _and_ girls? They wouldn’t.

And Bobby asks Alex if he knows a word for what Bobby described, or at least if he knows other people like that. Alex doesn’t have a word for it and he doesn’t know other people like that, and Bobby is a little disappointed, but he understands.

Until, Luke suggests that they go hunt for a word. “Really? Where would we even find it?”

And Luke just shrugs. “I don’t know, maybe we can go to a library.”

And then _Reggie_ pipes up and says, “I might be able to get a book, if I ask the right people.”

Alex just laughs. “Reg, do you even _know_ the right people?”

Reggie nods. “Yeah. I mean, if they send the right people out to find it, we’ll have the book by tomorrow, maybe two days from now at the latest if I have to run a few more errands in return.”

Bobby groans. “Reg, I thought you stopped that job.”

Reggie says, “Nope!” At the same time that Alex steps back kind of horrified and says,

“What job?”

Bobby pipes up, “Pretty sure that Reg here, runs errands for the mafia.”

“Mafia?” Alex squeaks.

Reggie shakes his head. “Honestly guys, I don’t run errands for the _mafia._ ”

Luke opens his mouth to say something then closes it.

Alex’s voice is raised a few octaves as he says, “Reg, that’s not okay, you need to quit, and how long has this been going on?”

Reggie laughs. “It’s not dangerous.”

Alex says, “But Reg…okay.”

Reggie rolls his eyes. “Okay, now that we have _that_ out of the way, will you let me go make a few calls? Oh, and I’ll probably be gone for a few hours. Don’t eat all the sour patch kids.”

Bobby nods and agrees with him and Reggie skips off as if he isn’t casually working for the _not mafia_.

Luke and Alex both turn to Bobby in horror. Luke says, “You knew and you didn’t tell us?”

Bobby shrugs. “Well, it was kind of terrifying the first time I found out as well, but I kind of stopped questioning it after I got a free pizza after the free tattoos.”

Luke asks, “You got pizza without me?”

And at the same time, Alex says, “You got illegal tattoos?!”

“Well, it definitely wasn’t legal. But yeah, I got a tattoo.” He raises up the hem of his shirt to show his hip where the sunset curve logo lies.

Luke rushes forward to touch it, and Alex nudges him. Luke jumps back. “Oh, sorry, I just got carried away. Your tattoo is so cool.”

Bobby nods. “Reg got the same one. We would have done it as a band, but Alex, you would freak, and Luke, Emily would know just from you walking in the house.”

Both protests, “Would not!” At the same time, then high fives without looking.

After a moment, Alex says, “So, is Reggie in any legitimate danger?”

Bobby shakes his head. “Nah, I don’t think so. I mean, he does shady errands and says vague things that make you want to never betray him for fear of being stabbed by a random guy a few days later, but I don’t think he’s in danger.”

Alex throws his hands up in the air. “I shouldn’t even ask anymore. I should just accept everything you guys say because at this point, I don’t really want to know.”

Without missing a beat, Luke says, “The sky is green.”

Alex sighs. “I don’t accept everything you guys say for this reason and this reason alone.”

When Reggie comes back six hours later with the book they need, they try not to gawk, and they just flip through, trying to figure things out. The first thing they come across is a word for Bobby’s feeling about not ever wanting sex. And it’s asexual.

They all read it, learning all the history it has to offer, and everything that it means, and Bobby just melts into the idea of others understanding. Every so often, he would whisper, “This is it, this is me.”

And they continue on. They get to the letter b for bisexual and they read it, and Bobby discovers that, yes, that’s him too. But, not sexual. But everything else is right. And Bobby notices Reggie listening intently, as if the world around him is becoming clearer, and Bobby shoots him a knowing glance. Bobby just assumes that Reggie isn’t ready to tell them yet, so he respects that, and doesn’t bring it up.

Luke nods along, but says that not everything is right. And they read on and on until at last, they find pansexual which Luke likes, and they all agree that it’s nice to know that what they felt was a common thing.

So, Bobby is sixteen and three quarters when he decides to tell the band about how he never wants to have sex.

Bobby is sixteen and three quarters when he discovers that he’s not the only one.

Bobby is sixteen and three quarters when he learns the name for what he is.

And Bobby is sixteen and three quarters when he learns that the name is asexual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is already half-way written and will be up either tomorrow or tonight, and it WILL include love confessions, I PROMISE!!!
> 
> And also, note about Reggie: He realizes that he's bi, but doesn't want to say it because Bobby had just come out to them, and he didn't really want to upstage Bobby. And he also doesn't want to say it because he doesn't want his friends to think that he's only saying that because he doesn't want to feel "left out" or something, and he just decides that he's not going to tell them, and if he ever gets a boyfriend, he'll tell them after it's long term. And yeah, that piece of information is unnecessary, I just want to include it so you get a bit of a look into his mind. 
> 
> :)


	11. Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOVE CONFESSION TIME, BABY!!! Whooo! You've all been waiting for this, and I've been waiting for this, and I hope you enjoy it because they end up so HAPPY!!  
> Read on and be happy children.

Bobby is seventeen when Luke runs away from home for good.

It’s a cold winter night, one of the coldest there’s been for a long time. Luke Patterson shows up to his door, shivering with one small bag and his guitar case on his back.

Luke barely gets out the words, “I ran away from home,” before he’s dropping his bag and guitar case and falling into Bobby’s arms. Bobby holds him so tight, knowing that Luke, the most affectionate person around, needs the best hug he can get. “Fuck, Luke.”

“We were just talking about school, and before I knew it, we were fighting and and—”

“You don’t have to tell me.”

“Thank you.”

GinGin steps up and closes the door behind them. “You’re letting all the warm air out, Robert.”

Luke barely begins to laugh before GinGin says, “You too, Lucas.”

“Robert, be a good host and offer Lucas a blanket. He’s going to freeze to death.” Bobby leads Luke to the living room where there’s a fire going in the fireplace, and hands him the biggest, softest blanket he can find. Luke wraps it around himself, and Bobby just wants to rush forward and declare his love and marry Luke on the spot because Luke looks so damn cute.

Luke sits on the couch, and Bobby sits on the other side and watches him. Hardly a moment later, Luke crawls across the couch and lays down on top of Bobby. Bobby hardly had time to register what Luke was doing before it was done.

They lay there, and GinGin calls out, “I’m going to the store, I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“GinGin, it’s ten o’clock. Most stores close in a few minutes.”

“Then I guess I better get going.”

When she leaves, Luke looks up at Bobby and says, “Have I told you how much I love your GinGin?”

Bobby nods. “Yeah. Every time you’re here.”

“Good. Because she’s the best.”

Bobby agrees with him. The two of them sit in silence, Bobby holding Luke, feeling so immensely happy, hardly wishing for a thing more.

As the fire starts to die down, Bobby wiggles his way out from under Luke to replace the wood. When Bobby turns back around, he sees Luke sitting upright with wide eyes and flushed cheeks.

“What is it,” Bobby asks, hardly thinking much of it. Bobby sits back on the couch, but Luke stays seated upright, looking Bobby dead in the eyes. His gaze is so intense, Bobby forces himself not to look away. Luke breaks eye contact first, and he drops his gaze down to his hands, fiddling with the blanket. “You know you can tell me what it is, right? Anything, and I won’t judge. I promise.”

Luke takes a deep breath. “I just realized something, and I’m not sure if you would be okay with it.”

Bobby leans forward. “I’m okay with so many things, I promise you. When Alex came out, he thought I wouldn’t hug him anymore, and I had to force him to accept the fucking affection. I promise you, that I’ll probably be more okay with whatever you just realized than you are.”

Bobby is seventeen when Luke admits to being in love with him.

Luke doesn’t say anything, and just continues to fiddle with the loose string on the blanket. Bobby sits back and waits, knowing that Luke will tell him in his own time. After a minute or so, Luke looks up and says so softly, it almost doesn’t sound like him, “I think I’m in love with you.”

Bobby barely manages to say, “What?” Because he knows that there is no way that Luke fucking Patterson just said that he thought he was in love with him.

Luke takes a deep breath and looks up at Bobby to repeat himself. “I think I’m in love with you.”

Bobby shakes his head, ever so slightly and says, “Look, you’re really tired and probably upset, so let’s get you up to bed.”

Luke shakes his head. “Don’t just brush me off. I’m not five. If you’re going to reject me, tell me to my face, but please don’t ignore it.”

Bobby shakes his head again and gets up. “Look, Luke, there’s no way that you’re in love with me, you’re just really tired, and need some re—”

“Don’t tell me how I may or may not feel. Bobby, I love you, and I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you, and all I want is your answer, even if it’s a no.” He gets soft. “I just need to know.”

Bobby sighs and walks forward. “Luke, I love you too. In fact, I think I’ve been _in love_ with you for years now, and didn’t realize it until recently. But I’m not someone you want.”

“Yes, you are. All I want to do is be with you. And see you. And you guys all joke that my one true love is music, and that it can never be anybody else, and I see that it’s true now. You’re my music. Every time you smile, soft bells float through my ears. And every time you laugh, all I hear is a grounding beat. And every time you talk, your words flow like a melody, a song that I would listen to on repeat every day of my life. And every time you hug me, my heart starts pounding like a thousand symphonies and I can’t see or think straight. I’m in love with music. You are my music. Bobby, you’re the only one I want.”

Bobby feels tears trickling down his face. “Really?”

“Really.”

Bobby wipes his tears away. “That wasn’t very super rock star of you.” _And crying wasn’t very super rock star of me_.

“Yeah, well, neither is love, but I still want it. And I want it from you.”

Bobby grabs his hand. “You are the light in every room, and you bring it with you wherever you go. And I have never seen someone give as much dedication to the world as you give to music and those around you. And it’s not possible for me to not be in love with you, because you are my music too, and I’m in love with you.”

Luke chuckles softly, more out of habit than anything else. And Luke leans forward, asking permission to hug him, and Bobby accepts it. He practically surges forward to hold Luke. They rock back and forth, trying to hold each other tighter, promise that they’ll always be there, until death do they part. Bobby didn’t think he would ever be as lucky as just became to have Luke fucking Patterson love him back.

After a moment, Luke leans back a bit and Bobby scans his face. All he sees is what he assumes to be love radiating from his face. Luke whispers, “Is it okay if I kiss you?” And then he goes into rambling, “I know you don’t really like some or all of those things, but I just wanted to ask to make sure that I wasn’t crossing any boundaries, and I promise I won’t ever cross those boundaries, and all I really want is you, so I don’t need to kiss you, but if you would like that, I would be okay with that if you’re okay with that too—”

Bobby nods the entire time that Luke asks because he wants that too. Luke doesn’t shut up, so he just fills the gap for him.

And Luke doesn’t get needy, pushing forward, forcing more, but instead it’s soft and sweet and it’s perfect, and it’s one of the best things Bobby could imagine.

After a few seconds, they break away. And Luke laughs. And Bobby can’t help but laugh a little too. Luke breaks away to do a little dance. “You love me too!” He exclaims, dancing around in celebration. Bobby lets out a sigh filled with a little laughter too. And Luke rushes forward and spins Bobby around and he doesn’t care that this entire thing goes against the _entire_ aesthetic he had planned out for the group at age twelve because he’s in love, and he’s loved back, and he’s kind of lightheaded and giggly, which is something that Bobby Marshall is normally _not_.

Luke spins around him, and Bobby just kind of follows Luke’s movements, twirling Luke when he’s sure that’s what Luke’s trying to do, and just watching the idiot that he fell in love with.

And Bobby finally realizes why GinGin had an impromptu shopping spree at ten o’clock at night. She was setting them up. And of course, GinGin is amazing like that.

Bobby repeats it again, a little dazed and light headed, “I’m in love with you.”

Luke pauses his dancing to grab his hand and pull him into a hug. “And I’m so in love with you too.”

So, Bobby is seventeen when Luke runs away from home for good.

Bobby is seventeen when Luke admits to being in love with him.

Bobby is seventeen when he admits being in love with Luke in return.

And Bobby is seventeen when he decides that they’ll be together, until death do they part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you like the confession? Because I did.  
> And did you like the last line? Because I did. Until death do they part. MWAHAHAHA!!!
> 
> And another chapter will be out tomorrow, maybe two, or how ever many I can write in the time I'm awake.
> 
> :)


	12. Seventeen & A Half

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I want them to be happy, but I don't know how to make them happy??? So this chapter is literally plotless fluff, kind of forced, but I think that it's ??decent??? 
> 
> But yeah, they're happy in this chapter.  
> The canon events don't fully align with this story, but do I care? No. Because I have taken what I wanted and made this my own.
> 
> All the lyrics are mine, which is why they suck, but it is what it is. The point is that they're in love.
> 
> Read on and enjoy.

Bobby is seventeen and a half when Sunset Curve starts getting gigs that are better than a Pop’s bookclub. Pop’s friends at bookclub had heard them practicing in the garage, and went down to listen to them play. In the end, they all pitched in to pay them for the entertainment. Sunset Curve called it a gig for the sake of boosting their own confidence.

But, lucky for them, two of the bookclub members found them their next _real_ gig. So, in general, the bookclub gig was pretty damn good.

The next one is a birthday party for an eleven year old.

The one after that is a high school party.

And every time in-between and after, they play at the beach, hoping that people will drop money in Luke’s guitar case. They don’t earn much busking when it’s their original music, but when they play covers, they generally get good money. They’ve learned to grab their attention by playing covers, then closing out with an original Luke Patterson song, which is the combination that most definitely gets them the best money out of all the busking they do.

Bobby is seventeen and a half when it’s just him and Luke hanging out in the studio on the couch that Luke dubbed as “his” and Luke says he has a surprise for him.

Bobby raises an eyebrow. “A surprise? Luke, I love you and all, but you’re not really the best with surprises.”

Luke scoffs. “Name one example.”

“Reggie’s _surprise_ birthday party that you told him about a week and a half early. When you gave Alex his Christmas present a month early because you _couldn’t_ wait anymore. When you tried to bake a cake in celebration of our first real, real gig, not the bookclub, and you almost burnt down the kitchen. When you dropped the necklace I was going to give Reggie in the drain and both of us refused to get it out. When you—”

“Okay, I get it, I’m bad at surprises. But you’re going to like this one, I promise.”

Bobby takes a deep breath. “Okay, hit me with it.” Though he’s a little worried, Bobby tries to give Luke the benefit of the doubt for _once_ in his life. And besides, what else could he _possibly_ fuck up?

Luke opens up his notebook and pulls his guitar out from behind the couch. Okay, so Luke wrote a song. “I wrote this for you. You know, some music for _my_ music.” Okay, so a song for him. Bobby can already feel his heart racing, about to fly out of his chest because no one’s written a song _for_ him before. They all work together to write music, mostly Bobby and Luke, but it’s never been a song _for_ him before.

Bobby is seventeen and a half when Luke writes a song for him.

Bobby watches Luke look at the music in his notebook, then back at the guitar again, then back at the notebook, then back at the guitar, and Bobby realizes that Luke’s nervous. He’s never nervous. “I, um, hope you like it. It’s called Late Last Night.”

_I show up in the middle of the night,_

_Shaking with tears from a fight,_

_I fall in your arms,_

_just asking for your love._

_You give your love freely,_

_needing not a thing in return._

_You hold me so tight,_

_This can’t help but feel right,_

_I’m just so glad that I showed up,_

_late last night._

_We lay down by the fire,_

_I pour my heart out,_

_You don’t think it’s true,_

_But not once do I doubt,_

_that I’m in love with the music,_

_the music of you,_

_and all I can think of now,_

_is late last night with you._

_I’m in love with the music,_

_the song we sung late last night,_

_was the way you danced in the firelight,_

_laughter twinkling through the air,_

_the love you give me is everywhere._

_Cause late last night, I was happy,_

_not needing anything more,_

_Just glad that I went to you,_

_knocking at your door._

_I’ve never felt love like this before,_

_late last night I found my music,_

_and the music was yours._

_Cause late last night, I found my music,_

_and the music was yours._

Bobby’s bottom lip trembles a little, and he promises himself that he’s not going to cry even though that was fucking beautiful.

Luke sets his guitar down and softly says, “You did like it, right?”  


Bobby nods, not knowing what to say because everything said after that song is worth nothing because nothing will top that song. Bobby grabs Luke's hand to softly rub circles on the back of his hand, trying to think of something to say. “Luke, that was so beautiful, I don’t even know what to say. You just keep on giving and giving, and I could never even imagine someone who comes close to what you do for me.”

“So, you liked it?”

Bobby leans forward and rests his forehead against Luke’s. “Yes, you dumbass. I loved it.”

Luke grins proudly. “But I’m your dumbass.”

“Every day for the rest of our lives.” Bobby gives him a quick kiss, enough to leave Luke surprised and flustered.

Luke clears his throat, clearly flustered, and quickly grabs his notebook to change the conversation. “So, I wrote this song for you, and it was inspired by you, obviously, I mean, you heard it and all, but I changed a lot for the band, and it’s kind of the same idea, but I thought that you could have this really cool solo, and we have this duet part later on in the song, but this version of the song specifically is for you, and if you wanted to… it could be a duet?”

Bobby nods. “Yeah, totally. I would love to perform it with the band…but it won’t make me emotional on stage, right? Because that would totally mess with our image.”

Luke chuckles and shakes his head. “Nah, it’s a lot less about…love, I guess, in that song, but the original meaning is still there.”

Bobby just watches Luke for a moment, seeing the way his cheeks are flushed red in a way that he only has after performances and when he’s with Bobby. “So, you wanted to sing this as a duet?”

Luke bites his bottom lip. “I mean, yeah.”  


“Well then, what are we waiting for?”

Luke grabs the notebook and guitar, and slowly starts singing and strumming the chords so Bobby can follow along.

And Bobby still gets emotional during the song. As the final words come, Luke stops strumming his guitar, to just let their voices flow through the air together, and nothing else. Bobby rests his forehead against Luke’s again, and whispers, “I still can’t tell you enough how much I love you.”

A few moments later, Alex and Reggie walk into the studio. Luke jumps back out of terror, and Bobby leans away, a smile still gracing his lips.

Reggie runs forward and starts bouncing up and down, “Guys, that was amazing! Your voices sounded so perfect together, and the lyrics! Oh, the lyrics! That was so pretty! But who’s it about?”  


Alex rolls his eyes and sighs. “Reg, it’s about them.”  


“Oh, right. I just forgot.”

Alex scoffs. “How could you forget? Their longing stares at each other have only increased since they started dating.”

Luke shoves Alex. “Nu-uh, I don’t give Bobby any longing stares.”

Bobby helpfully adds, “Yeah, now they’re loving stares.”

Luke dramatically flops down, his head in Bobby’s lap, soft hazel eyes staring back up at him, “You’re supposed to back me up, babe.”

And Bobby kind of breaks because that’s the first time that Luke’s called him “babe” and he doesn’t really know how to function any more.  
Conversation continues around him, and Bobby is left sitting there with wide eyes and the brightest face ever.

Alex groans. “Luke, you fucking broke Bobby.”

Bobby is seventeen and a half when Sunset Curve starts getting gigs that are better than a Pop’s bookclub.

Bobby is seventeen and a half when it’s just him and Luke hanging out in the studio on the couch that Luke dubbed as “his” and Luke says he has a surprise for him.

Bobby is seventeen and a half when Luke writes a song for him.

Not just any song, a love song.

And maybe Bobby’s mind breaks a little after that day because all he can think about is Luke’s voice, and Luke’s words, and Luke’s love, and Luke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the lyrics are mine, which is why they suck, but it is what it is. The point is that they're in love.
> 
> Did you like it? I hope you did because the next chapter is the last happy chapter.
> 
> :)


	13. Seventeen & Three Fifths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, last happy chapter!!! Who's ready for it??? Cause I'm sure not. I made them happy, and now I like this story and it's harder to give it the canon ending it needs.  
> So, read on and enjoy your last moments of happiness!

Bobby is seventeen and three fifths when they book the Orpheum.

It’s all Luke would talk about. The Orpheum.

Every time they passed the Orpheum, Luke would take it as initiative to talk for hours about his dream. It became Bobby’s dream too. At first it wasn’t. Luke talked about it so much, a fire in his eyes, that Bobby began to want it too, hoping that it would give Luke the chance to see the fire in _his_ eyes too. Because anything that Luke did, Bobby wanted too.

So, Bobby not only takes up Luke’s dream as his own too, but he takes action; takes initiative, like he always does. Bobby won’t sit around and wait for something to happen: he gets it done himself. So, he marches himself right up to Orpheum, a demo cd in hand, and determination in his pocket.

Bobby only gets distracted for a second. And then it’s two seconds. Then it’s a whole minute. It’s a thrift shop, a second hand store. And Luke would love everything in there, but never takes notice to it because the Orpheum is the only thing he can see. So, Bobby goes in there for him. He browses the shelves, knowing that Luke would love everything in there, but none of it screams _Luke_ in Bobby’s eyes. Until at last he reaches a shelf of jewelry. The shelf reminds him of one that they found in a shop downtown, just like this one. It’s where Luke got the “lucky” rabbits foot. Bobby had declared that the foot had absolutely no luck, but couldn’t quite protest when Luke became a sap and said, “It’s lucky because you’re with me when I’m buying it.”

Bobby looks at all of the jewelry, and all of it is too gaudy and flashy and none of it is worth sparing a second glance. Then there is a ring. It’s simple and it’s either silver or silver plated. The ring is smooth in his hands, and he picks it up to look at it.

Luke would like it, but it’s not something that screams _Luke_.

Bobby’s about to put it down, but his eye catches on an engraving on the inside of the ring. It simply says, _To my love, my light, my soul._ And now Bobby _has_ to buy it. He can’t help but wonder who gave this away, and the story behind it. Bobby hopes to give the ring a better story than the one it probably has—a story where they grow old together, their love not tossed to a second hand store.

Bobby buys it without so much as blinking at the price the lady gives him. He doesn’t even think about it. He would have bought it if it was one cent, or fifty dollars.

He puts the ring on, scared that if he were to place it elsewhere, he would lose it. Then he marches right up to the Orpheum as if he never took a detour.

When Bobby walks out without a demo, he feels accomplished. The lady accepted his demo, and didn’t toss it in the basket alongside all the other demos she’s probably acquired over the years. She set it on top of her desk and asked about his music, and why him and his band should play the Orpheum. Bobby tells her that Sunset Curve is the embodiment of music, and that it would be better if she just hears it for herself.

And the lady recognized the name Sunset Curve, and had heard good things about it, so she popped the disk in and sat back, arms crossed, an expression saying, _impress me_.

And it did. He handed her his house phone number and said that she could reach him there.

She promised that she would make sure to use it. Bobby is certain that she says that to everyone out of pure politeness, but he wants to think that it’s actually true this time.

Bobby is seventeen and three fifths when the lady from the Orpheum calls his house three weeks later. She says that she wants them to be the main act. She asked around about them, and all she heard was good. And she heard a lot of stuff.

Bobby doesn’t really process much after she tells them that they made it. As soon as she hangs up, Bobby runs out of the house so fast, he’s sure that he’s never run so fast in his life. He bursts into the garage where Luke is. The others were due to show up to practice a few minutes later.

Luke jumps back. “Whoah, what happened?”

Bobby runs to him and pulls him off the couch. “We did it!”

Luke is excited now, but not sure what about, “We did what?”

“We’re playing the Orpheum! This September!”

And Luke’s eyes go wide and he screams, “REALLY?!”

Bobby nods. “YES!”

“THANK YOU!”

Luke runs around the garage with Bobby joining him, them screaming in excitement. Alex and Reggie walk in a minute later and Alex says, “We could hear the screaming from outside. Is everyone in here alive?”

Luke runs up to them and almost knocks them over with a hug. “WE MADE THE ORPHEUM!”

It doesn’t take long for them to all get excited. Bobby says amidst all the excitement, “We’re going by this Friday to write out the contract and be presented with a few extra tickets for our family, but she said we made it!”

And it takes a _long_ time for the band to calm down.

At that point, Bobby takes the time to explain everything about his trip to the Orpheum, excluding the thrift shop.

They all have a band sleepover in the garage. Really, almost every night is a band sleepover at this point, because Luke hasn’t gone home, Reggie comes to escape the fighting, and Alex ran away a week ago when he couldn’t stand his parent’s cold stares anymore after he came out.

When Bobby is pretty sure that the others are asleep, he turns to Luke, knowing that he’s ready to give Luke the ring. Bobby rests his head on Luke’s shoulder. Luke whispers, “We made the Orpheum.”

“I know. We made the _Orpheum_.”

Bobby whispers, “The day that I went to the Orpheum, I found a thrift shop. I went inside, and you would love it.”

“We should go sometime.”

Bobby says, “I went inside, thinking about you.”

Luke teases, “Really, you thought about me?”

Bobby nudges him. “Yes. Now listen before I second guess myself.”

“Okay, okay, listening.”

“I tried to find something for you, and I found this ring. I just thought that it deserved a better love story than the one it probably has.” Bobby slips the ring off his finger and puts it on Luke’s finger. Bobby whispers, “ _To my love, my light, my soul_.”

Luke doesn’t say anything, just looks at the ring. Bobby knows that Luke likes the ring, but he asks anyway, “Do you like it?”

Luke moves to look Bobby in the eyes. “ _To my love, my light, my soul_?”

Bobby chuckles. “It’s not an engagement ring, I promise you that, but I just thought it would be something until then.”

Luke looks down at the ring. “We could never get married anyway.”

Bobby holds his hands and tilts his chin up so he has to look him in the eyes as he says, “I don’t care. It might not be legally binding, but it doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be true. Besides, marriage is overrated anyways. It’s not really a rock star thing.”

Luke chuckles, then says with such sincerity, Bobby can’t help but fall a little more in love, “I’m never taking it off.”

Bobby leans back in laughter a little bit. “I know.”

The stars and moonlight shine across the floor, white streaks in the dark night, a small ray dancing across Luke’s face. Bobby whispers, “Is it okay if I kiss you?”

Luke nods, barely noticeable, but Bobby notices everything Luke does. He softly kisses Luke’s lips, softly as a butterfly, one of the softest kisses he's ever given. It doesn’t need to be more than it is, because the moment is too real, too pure, too soft, for more to be needed.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Luke.”

They fall asleep not much later in each others arms, knowing that he can never be happier than he is right then and there.

Bobby is seventeen and three fifths when they book the Orpheum.

Bobby is seventeen and three fifths when the lady from the Orpheum calls his house three weeks later.

And Bobby is seventeen and three fifths when he gives Luke the ring, knowing that he has everything he ever needs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that was the last happy chapter. I'm not physically or mentally ready for the next one, but here I am. It'll either be up tonight or tomorrow.  
> And do you like the origin of Luke's ring? I do.  
> Fasten your seatbelts and hope for the best. 
> 
> :)


	14. Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry guys. I didn't think it would be this sad.  
> I was writing through the tears and shaking hands while listening to sad music (stay alive- reprise) (drivers license by Olivia Rodrigo) Let's be honest here, I'm never listening to sad music while writing again.
> 
> I wasn't prepared for this chapter, and I'm still not.
> 
> Also, TWs: graphic death, but not all that blood and stuff. It's pretty much last words and a fuck ton of tears. And also, Reggie mentions that he's okay with this, so just yeah, sorry. If I miss anything, I'm sorry.
> 
> Read on and cry......sorry......

Bobby is eighteen for only a week and a half when they get ready to play the Orpheum. Luke doesn’t stop talking about it for a week straight, and when the day comes, he doesn’t even mention anything else. Bobby’s worried that Luke’s going to expend his energy before they even get onto the stage.

Alex is driving because surprisingly, he’s the only calm one. Reggie would panic and crash the van. Luke isn’t trusted behind the wheel despite whatever the lady who gave him his license said. And Bobby is in the back, listening to Luke talk because he’s the only one who can stand the constant talk at this point.

Bobby holds Luke’s hand the whole time, knowing that it lets Luke channel and focus his energy on something else, allowing him to calm down a little more. In a way, it’s like Lukes’s transferring energy to Bobby.

As they unpack their instruments, Luke talks about doing this in every city across the world. As they walk onto the stage, Luke talks about the applause and the spotlight. And as they plug in their instruments, Luke talks about the fans and the albums. Bobby can see the happiness radiating off Luke.

But it’s also a quiet sort of longing, almost sad. Bobby knows the feeling. He lives the feeling, marveling at the beauty of the moment, knowing that it can never happen again. It’s almost like Luke is trying to take more out of the moment, but can’t. He’s thought about it for so long, it doesn’t even seem real. It’s happening, and is it really everything they thought it to be?

Bobby wishes he could just reach forward and tell Luke that he understands, and that everything will be more than what they dreamed.

But Bobby doesn’t, because he doesn’t know how to put those feelings into words for Luke. And even if he could, he doesn’t know if Luke would understand, because he’s never seen that look on Luke’s face before. So, instead, Bobby reaches forward and grabs Luke’s hand. Luke just leans onto Bobby. He whispers for the first time in a week, “I almost don’t want to do this. What if my dream was never that great?”

Bobby takes Luke’s face in his hands and presses their foreheads together. “Your dream is amazing, and I can’t even imagine someone who deserves this more than you.”

Luke sighs. “Okay, I’m ready.”

“Ready?”

Luke nods. “Ready.”

Luke calls out to the band. “Okay, for soundcheck, let’s do Now Or Never. Alex, count us off.”

And like Luke says, it’s the tightest they’ve ever played. They hear applause from a young girl wiping down a table. Bobby runs off to go talk to her. Bobby craves the fan’s attention. All those people who don’t even know him, love him and his music, and Bobby can’t seem to get enough of it. He starts talking to her as the boys say, “Hey, you want some hotdogs?”  


Bobby shakes his head. “Nah, I’m vegan. Couldn’t hurt an animal.” Bobby doesn’t necessarily like most meat, but he’s not a vegan. He just says it because it makes fans like him even more. Bobby tends to feel like he’s not noticed as much. Obviously, it’s Luke who gets the attention on stage as the lead singer. And Reggie bounces across the stage, channeling everyone’s attention. And Alex constantly tries to evade the audience’s attention, which only makes them focus on him more. Bobby, well, Bobby doesn’t catch the audience's attention as much, so talking to the fans is what makes him feel noticed by someone that normally won’t.

A whole conversation passes with Bobby trying to impress Rose and show her that he’s just as important a member of the band as everyone else, Reggie flirting and failing, Alex being a useless wingman for Reggie, and Luke practically draping himself over Bobby and soaking in the praise. And though Bobby loves Luke and the others so dearly, he pushes them aside, asking them to get hotdogs because he wants this girl to _like_ him, and see him as important to the band too. Not just Luke and Reggie and Alex. But Bobby too. And though Luke’s attention is all he ever needs, sometimes he greedily wants a little more.

And when the band leaves to get hotdogs, Bobby keeps talking to the girl, Rose, and telling her about how the band started, and about the meaning behinds the music. And she listens to him and everything he says. And Bobby doesn’t even notice himself making the transition from talking about the band to talking about Luke exclusively. Rose must notice the love in Bobby’s eyes and words as he talks about Luke, because she says, “Wow, I can hardly imagine being loved like that.”

“What?”

Rose laughs. “Well, I just assumed that you’re in love with Luke. I mean, you talk about him as if nothing else in the world matters but him, hell, you act as if there _is_ nothing else in the world.”

Bobby looks to where Luke and Reggie and Alex walked out a while ago, and then turns back to Rose. “Yeah, I’m in love with him.”

Rose leans forward, a gleam in her eyes. “Tell me how you two met.”

Bobby shakes his head with a little laughter in his voice. “Oh, I _hated_ him with every fiber of my twelve-year-old being. I hated him for almost half a year, and I barely started to accept him after a year of knowing him. But then one day, it just kind of all clicked that I was mad that he was everything I wanted, but couldn’t have. That lasted for a while, and then we both realized that we loved each other in return.”

Rose smiles. “All I can think of is how amazing that is. I’m glad for you.”

Bobby brushes his hair back with his hand. “Well, I’mma go wait in the greenroom. The rest of the band should be back from getting hotdogs soon enough.”

And Bobby is eighteen when the world around him collapses.

A boy, just a few years younger than him runs up to him just as he’s about to go wait in the greenroom. The boy visibly catches his breath as he says, “Sunset Curve… Ambulance on the way… Now.”

Bobby doesn’t hear much after that. He’s already running out of the building into the alleyway, following the sounds of the chaos. He can’t even feel himself run because all he can focus on is the pure panic of _are they okay_?

Then Bobby’s eyes catch on three teenagers. Sunset Curve. His band. His brothers. His love.

Bobby ignores the people yelling at him to stay back. He doesn’t care. They’re on the floor near the wall, and Bobby falls in front of them, all the blood rushing to his head because he can’t think past the panic. He grabs Luke’s hands. “Guys, what’s going on?” He barely manages to get the words out.

Alex coughs and it sounds awful. “Ate some bad street-dogs. Just our luck, huh?”

Bobby tries to calm down, because it was only bad hotdogs. People don’t die from food poisoning. “Okay, it’s okay, I promise. You’ll be okay.”

Alex shakes his head. “It was out of the back of a car. I don’t think we’re okay.”

Bobby frantically shakes his head. “No, you’re okay. I promise.”

Bobby pulls Luke into his arms, not as a hug, but he holds him, and Luke leans into Bobby. Reggie speaks next. “Bobby,” Bobby nods, wanting to know what Reggie has to tell him. “Bobby, it’s okay, just—” Reggie coughs and Bobby cringes back. Bobby can barely see Reggie through the tears as he continues to speak. “It’s okay, it’s just dying, eh?”

Bobby grabs Reggie’s hand while still holding onto Luke. “No, you can’t leave us.”  


Reggie chuckles, and it’s obviously pained. His eyes are getting dimmer. “Bobby, I think that out of all people, you know it wouldn’t be that bad to die. Just don’t forget us, okay?”

Bobby shakes his head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He tries to hide it. They should have never known about him and his _thoughts_ on his worst days around. And Reggie shouldn’t have had to go through it too. Never Reggie.

Reggie says, “Come on, you don’t have to lie. Who are we going to tell? Ghosts?”

Bobby’s shaking. “Now’s not the time for jokes, come on, Reg, guys, stop pretending. You’re okay. Don’t scare me like this.”

Reggie barely says, “I’ve been okay with dying for a long time. Okay? Please don’t cry. It’ll only make this worse.”

Bobby can barely say anything through the trembling, “I’m so sorry, Reg, I should have known. I could have helped. I…I…”

Luke interjects, “Reg, I’m sorry we didn’t know.”

Bobby pulls Reggie closer, as he closes his eyes. His breathing visibly slows. “Come on, Reg, stay with me. Please. You’re going to make it.”

All that Bobby knows is that he never wants to cry like he did in that moment, ever again. The pain is so unbearable, Bobby can feel a little of himself die alongside Reggie. “Lex, come here.”

Alex barely scoots closer. Instead of not getting enough air, he’s getting too much. He’s hyperventilating, and Bobby doesn’t know how to fix it. He tries to fumble with Alex’s fanny pack and get the inhaler out, but Alex stops him. “It’s no use. Reg can’t take care of himself up there all alone. At least let me watch out for him.”

Bobby shakes his head. “No, you have to make it, Alex. I can’t lose you too. Lu, tell him. Please. It can’t be only us left.”

Luke shakes his head. “No, I’m sorry, but it won’t be. I won’t ma—” he erupts into a coughing fit.

What’s one of the scariest things is when Alex’s hand isn’t the one shaking, but instead is trying to settle Bobby down. “Bobby, take care?”

Bobby shakes his head. “No, no, no, no, no, stay with me please.”

Alex nods. “For as long as I can. I promise.”

“And that’s for many more years. Please. Please. Don’t leave me.”

“Love you guys,” Alex stops talking, but he’s still breathing. Bobby turns away. He doesn’t want to watch one of his friends—brothers—die again. It’s like Schrödinger’s imaginary experiment. You place a cat in a box with poison, and until you open it, you don’t know if it’s dead or alive. If Bobby doesn’t look at Alex, he won’t know if he’s dead or alive, and Bobby wants to pretend for as long as he can. He wants to pretend that Alex is still alive and with them for as long as he can before he has to succumb to reality.

He focuses his attention on Luke. “Luke, my love, please, you can’t leave me.” Bobby continues to hold him, but turns him a bit to where Luke can look into Bobby’s eyes.

Luke whispers, “You know I never want to.”

“But you’re going too. Can’t you at least try? Please?”

“You know that I am.” Bobby just cries, shaking the whole time. “Can you just talk to me?”

Bobby nods. All that he can seem to think of is their promises to each other. Their future. “We were supposed to grow old together…Maybe we would be able to get…married one day. And we were going to adopt. A little b..boy or girl… And..and it would just be us, then it would be us three. And the band would be fa..famous. You know, we talked about it? Together. The two of us. Late hours into the night, we would just sit there…and talk.”

More tears flow and Bobby can’t help but pull Luke closer. Luke clutches onto Bobby’s shirt a little tighter. “And we promised that we would be together forever. Till death do us part? Remember? It..It wasn’t supposed to be this soon. We were supposed to be old. Grow old together. You and me. You promised, Luke. You promised. You promised. Luke, you promised.”

Bobby tries to take a breath and say something else. “I can’t…I can’t live without you. You’re my life. _My love, my light, my soul_. Remember? Remember? The night I gave it to you, we talked about forever. We would be together forever. It was never supposed to end this way. Luke, I love you so much. Can you just tell me something, please? Anything?” Bobby kisses Luke’s knuckles, right above where the ring is.

Luke whispers, so softly, Bobby almost doesn’t hear him. Bobby almost wishes he didn’t hear those words because he knows that they’ll haunt him till the day he joins Luke. “Thank you for playing my favorite music one last time.”

And Bobby makes a sound that’s so unlike him, looking back, he won’t even realize it was him that makes that sob. That scream. That sound of being broken and shattered.

The paramedic rushes up to him amidst the scream. She tries to take Luke away. Bobby sobs, saying that it’s too late, screaming at her blindly, angrily, furiously, an indescribable pain, that it’s all her fault. She should have been there sooner. Bobby watches the paramedics look at his friends, try to determine a heartbeat…a breath…anything.

The paramedic tries to take Luke away, and Bobby hardly has the strength to hold onto him. He kisses Luke’s hand one last time. “I love you.”

The paramedic no longer looks at him with pity. Now, it’s disgust. Bobby can’t even handle the _audacity_ of that lady to judge him for his love. He’s about to go at her when he feels somebody hold him back. He barely registers that it’s the girl from the Orpheum. He can’t even remember her name. It feels like it was so long ago. He doesn’t even resist as she holds him back. He just cries into her arms because he needs to be held. He doesn’t know the next time he’s going to be held, and he wants to hold onto this, try to pretend that it’s Luke or one of his boys. “I…I loved him.”

“I know, I know.”

“I loved him.”

Bobby is eighteen for only a week and a half when they get ready to play the Orpheum.

Bobby is eighteen when the world around him collapses.

Bobby is eighteen when he loses Reggie.

Alex.

Luke.

Luke. _My love, my light, my soul._ His world. His music.

Bobby is eighteen when he decides that “until death do they part” is not that romantic, because it can only end in tears. Death parted them too soon.

Bobby is only eighteen when it doesn’t matter to him anymore, because there are no more important moments in his life left to mark if his boys aren’t there to do it with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, you cried, didn't you? So did I.  
> I'm really sorry.
> 
> My next chapters will probably be years apart at a time in Bobby's life. And then I'm really thinking about doing a chapter in Luke's POV when he's a ghost, and how everything goes for him. And yeah....
> 
> :)


	15. Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, for the song Late Last Night, all the lyrics are mine which is why they suck. It's the same song from before, just now you get to sort-of suffer while reading it.  
> And yeah... 
> 
> OH! Also, I, a teenager, know as much about buying and selling houses, as an astrophysicist knows about music theory. So please, just accept my messed up logic and roll with it.

Bobby is twenty now. It doesn’t matter how old he is; the pain is still there, even though two years have passed.

Bobby used to have two friends, two grandparents, and one boyfriend to hold him through the tears.

Now all he has is Rose. Rose, an angel in disguise. A wrecking ball of talent. But she’s also prophecy. In order to reap the good of the prophecy, the bad has to be fulfilled first. In order to gain her, Bobby had to lose everything else. She’s the only person who’s been there through it all: the death of Luke, Alex, and Reggie, and the deaths of GinGin and Pops.

The death of GinGin and Pops weren’t as bad. Bobby was already numb with pain, so it didn’t make too much of a difference. And besides that, he was expecting it, awaiting it, even. They were old, and they were sick. GinGin got sick first, but Pops declared that he wasn’t going to be without her. So, they passed within three days of each other. Bobby wishes that it could have been the same way with him and Luke. But it wasn’t, so Bobby had to try and move on, no matter how futile the efforts.

Bobby is twenty, and he wishes he had more than Rose. Though she probably only stuck around because she felt responsible for holding Bobby back from dying too. If she wasn’t there, Bobby would never have left his friend’s sides.

But, no matter how hard Bobby tries to blame her, all he can do is blame his friends for leaving him, and himself for not following.

Before GinGin and Pops died a few days ago, they tried to get him to go to therapy. He didn’t protest, but it didn’t make much of a difference. It had taken him two years to even get vaguely better. The therapist, Dc. Crystal, told him that what he has is survivor’s guilt. It means that he feels bad for surviving when those around him died. It’s most common in people from the war. Bobby wishes that he didn’t have survivor’s guilt, because then maybe it would be easier to move on.

Bobby is twenty when he steps foot in the garage for the first time since Luke, Alex, and Reggie. It’s a week since GinGin and Pop’s deaths. He doesn’t even need to ask Rose to be by his side. She does it anyway. He glances over their things, runs his fingers over the dust gathered over what once was. His other hand instinctually reaches towards the necklace that Luke had given him just a few days before the Orpheum on their one year anniversary. Bobby can’t think of a time he’s taken it off.

He picks up one of Luke’s many acoustic guitars, and he feels the burdens of his soul lift a little, as if some of the bricks had burned to dust.

Bobby’s hand starts to shake as he holds it. Bobby sits down on the couch that Luke once dubbed “his” and sets the guitar in his lap. Next to him on the couch is Luke’s most recent notebook. One of the first songs in there is _Late Last Night_. Bobby doesn’t even need to look as he flips to it. It’s muscle memory, even after two years of not looking at it.

Bobby can remember some nights when Luke would fall asleep early, and Bobby would flip to the pages in the notebook, with Luke’s original writing, and trace it, softly singing the words, gentle and sweet throughout the silent night.

_I show up in the middle of the night,_

_Shaking with tears from a fight,_

_I fall in your arms,_

_just asking for your love._

_You give your love freely,_

_needing not a thing in return._

_You hold me so tight,_

_This can’t help but feel right,_

_I’m just so glad that I showed up,_

_late last night._

Now, it’s sharp and clear, bittersweet, in the unsettling stillness in the garage as Bobby strums the first note. It’s almost like he’s coming home to Luke’s arms. Bobby closes his eyes as he plays, still knowing the song by heart. Rose, beside him, melts away, and he’s suddenly transported back to the past. Bobby listens to the lyrics, remembering the story of the night it all went down, where him and Luke confessed their love, and laughed and danced at the fireside. The moment where Bobby has never felt so blissfully happy.

_We lay down by the fire,_

_I pour my heart out,_

_You don’t think it’s true,_

_But not once do I doubt,_

_that I’m in love with the music,_

_the music of you,_

_and all I can think of now,_

_is late last night with you._

_I’m in love with the music,_

_the song we sung late last night,_

_was the way you danced in the firelight,_

_laughter twinkling through the air,_

_the love you give me is everywhere._

Now, it’s him and Luke sing the lyrics, love flowing through their voices. There’s Alex teaching Reggie to ballroom dance to it, even though the song isn’t right for it. There’s the stumbling, and the giggling, and the messed up notes, but nobody cared because it was the best feeling in the world. And as Bobby would sing his part of the duet, Luke would reach forward and kiss Bobby’s cheek, leaving him a little flustered, and Luke would laugh alongside the melodious notes of the guitar.

_Cause late last night, I was happy,_

_not needing anything more,_

_Just glad that I went to you,_

_knocking at your door._

_I’ve never felt love like this before,_

_late last night I found my music,_

_and the music was yours._

_Cause late last night, I found my music,_

_and the music was yours._

As Bobby finishes the song and opens his eyes, the real world comes crashing back in, reality hitting him square in the chest. There’s no laughter now. He doesn’t even notice the tears rolling down his face. He hasn’t noticed the tears for a long time now.

But for the first time, these tears aren’t only of sadness. Yes, sadness is one of the causes of his tears, but it’s immensely overpowered by the feeling of happiness. He’s hasn’t felt that happy in a long time. He’s felt happiness in brief moments, but it’s always shoved aside soon enough. But this is so amazingly happy, Bobby vows in that moment to find that happiness again everyday. And he knows there’s only one way to find it. By singing the music that Luke once claimed was him.

Bobby only remembers that Rose is in the room as well, when her hand is on his shoulder. She whispers, “That was beautiful.”

Bobby nods, still looking at the words on the notebook, and clutching the guitar close to his chest. “He wrote it for me. Told me it was mine.”

And Rose only fuels the flame as she says, “What are you going to do now?”

“I’m going to sing for the world.”

Bobby turns to look Rose in the eyes as she says, “And how are you going to do it?”

Bobby glances back at Luke’s notebook. “I’m going to do it using Luke’s songs.”Bobby knows he’s going to live the dream that Luke always wanted, making sure that his legacy doesn’t fade, forgotten to everything but the old pages of a yellowing notebook.

Rose grins. “Good. Now come on, we have work to do.”

Bobby shakes his head. “No. Once I leave today, I don’t want to come back here. We’ll put everything special to them up in the loft, and donate the rest. I’ll take the notebooks and my instruments. Everything else needs to stay here.”

“What happens when you sell the house?” She’s not trying to down his spirits. She’s just being realistic. She knows that Bobby would only feel worse if he discovers that all of his bandmate’s instruments and possessions got sold or given away to someone undeserving, or to anyone else in general.

Bobby hardly has to think, before the words flow seamlessly out of his mouth. He’s already done this nearly same offer so many times, it’s second nature to him. “What if you take the house?”

Her eyes go wide. “I could never pay for it.”

Bobby shrugs. “You won’t have to. Your entire band can live there, and Joanne’s boyfriend. You won’t be split up among three different apartments now. And I technically own the house. If we keep the house in my name, you won’t ever have to buy the house. You just need to do regular housekeeping payments.”

Rose shakes her head. “No, I could never do that.”

“Please. I want to move. I never want to step foot in this garage again, and as I clean out the house, I want to come back as little as possible. Please.”

She hesitates. “It would be nice, but if something goes wrong, this could impact everyone of us.”

Bobby lazily plucks guitar strings as he says, “The universe owes me one.”

Rose stands up and laughs. “I sure hope so.” And Bobby knows that had already accepted the idea the second he proposed it.

Him and Rose clear out the studio, doing exactly as Bobby had said he would. In Alex’s bookbag (because he’s the only one who continued going to school), Bobby puts all of Luke’s notebooks in there, along with Alex’s last pair of drumsticks, and Reggie’s favorite stuffed animal, Marco the Bunny. (Bobby had gotten it for him in fifth grade when Reggie had casually mentioned that his parents wouldn’t let him have stuffed animals anymore because he was too old.)

Bobby grabs his rhythm guitar and is about to walk out the door with Rose one last time before he stops. Bobby hands her the rhythm guitar, and walks to grab the guitar he almost left behind. Luke’s guitar. It was always Luke’s favorite. It was the one that Bobby had played today. Luke had spent hours upon hours carefully carving detailed patterns into the neck of the guitar, careful to not carve too deep, or to splinter the wood. His efforts had payed off. Bobby carefully picks up the guitar and walks out of the studio with it, not planning on ever looking back.

Bobby is twenty when he decides to never step foot in the studio again.

Bobby is twenty when his therapist suggests that he change his name.

“I know that you’re moving on just well, but I’ve thought long and hard, and I think I have an idea.”

Bobby nods his head. He doesn’t say much during therapy. It’s not that he doesn’t like it, it’s just hard to talk for so long about the bad parts of his week when he’d rather not relive them.

“In the very beginning, you complained about the reporters. And last week when you mentioned you were going to sing the songs, I got to thinking. What if you changed your name? You could get a fresh start. Start using that clean slate you’ve created for yourself to rebuild the good parts of you that got lost along the way. Your new name would be the chance for you to move on, but still keep all the good memories. It’s an odd sort of concept, but it might just be the boost that you need.”

Bobby’s head is reeling. He hardly even registers what Dc. Crystal is saying after he suggested Bobby should change his name. He’s never liked the name Robert, and Bobby is a part of himself that he can never have back. And it wouldn’t be a big change. He decides that he should go for it, no matter how wacko of an idea it is.

“What should it be?”

Dc. Crystal looks at him long and hard before smiling. “You know, I’ve always liked the name Trevor. I think it would suit you.”

Bobby smiles. It’s a nice name. Even if it _does_ make him think of a frog. Alex would laugh at the name for weeks, and Reggie would spend hours trying to come up with funny rhymes for it, and Luke would say that Bobby is ruining a perfectly good name by making it his own. Teasingly, of course. “Trevor. I like it.”

“I’m glad.”

“But I want a new last name too.”

“Oh?”

Bobby nods. “There’s no point in keeping Marshall if I’m going to change Bobby.”

“Okay. Do you have any ideas?”

“Not yet. But maybe next week.”

Bobby walks away that day, still Bobby, but only for a short while longer.

Bobby is twenty and it doesn’t matter how old he is; the pain is still there, even though two years have passed.

Bobby is twenty, and he wishes he had more than Rose.

Bobby is twenty when he steps foot in the garage for the first time since Luke, Alex, and Reggie.

Bobby is twenty when he decides to never step foot in the studio again.

Bobby is twenty when his therapist suggests that he change his name.

Bobby Marshall is twenty when he becomes Trevor Wilson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise you, it won't be long before the 2020 17-year-old forever Luke chapter which has his viewpoint on things as a ghost.
> 
> And I hope you enjoyed! See you next chapter, being posted either tonight or tomorrow.
> 
> :)


	16. Twenty-Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, skipped three years this time. I just don't want to spend as long on the story without Luke. So, I try to take the major points or the parts that I want to write and summarize those twenty-five years of his life. Because that's a lot of life to live, and I'm itching to write the Luke chapter, then the Luke and Bobby talking one last time chapter. 
> 
> So, ignore that rant and continue on...

Trevor is twenty-three when he makes an album.

The album has all of his favorite songs from Luke’s songbooks, the ones that had special meaning to _him_. All the other songs will be released in later albums. But the first album is solely Trevor’s favorites, all the songs about him and the band as a group. He almost included Crooked Teeth, but didn’t because that one’s about Reggie. And though Trevor doesn’t feel _jealous_ per se, he doesn’t want to put it alongside all the songs that Luke wrote for _him_. Luke wrote songs about the band, and those are okay in Trevor’s mind for some reason, but _not_ Crooked Teeth. Not yet.

The album isn’t famous yet, but people do know it. More than a few times, he’s gotten stopped for a signature when they recognize that it’s _him_ who’s the cover picture of his album.

One thing, very small, that Trevor includes is a dedication. He doesn’t want people to connect him back to his old self, Bobby. He doesn’t want people to see him as a tragedy. Luke wouldn’t want him to make his way to the top from pity, and Trevor doesn’t want that either. All the very simple dedication says is, _To my best friends for life who couldn’t do it themselves, L, R, & A. I’ll make it to the top for the four of us._

He wishes he could include more, but knows that more is too much, and he was already making the risk of including their initials.

Trevor keeps almost all the money, giving some of it to Rose, much to her protest, saying that it’s for being there in a time when nobody else could. He’d rather give it to her instead of any of Sunset Curve’s parents. The Peters didn’t deserve it, with the way that Reggie would show up to practice heartbroken, crying about how the fights are only getting worse. The Mercers supported Alex up until they decided that they didn’t. They stopped loving him the second he came out, and they deserve even less money than the Peters. The Peters at least tried to care for Reggie, even if their efforts could have been better. And Luke ran away from the Pattersons. Emily didn’t support Luke emotionally, so Trevor refuses to support Emily financially.

Trevor is twenty-three when he goes on his first real tour. It’s across the country, traveling to all the major cities and playing in all the places Luke’s ever talked about playing. Trevor’s performed all across California, driving himself to each trip, an acoustic and an electric guitar in his back seat. Rose goes to every performance with him, watching from the audience with her fiancé, Ray.

As soon as Ray was introduced to Trevor, he reassumed the role of Mom Friend. Though he could tell that Ray would never hurt Rose or anyone else (or even an ant that bit him), Trevor relishes in the ability to act as a Mom Friend TM again. As soon as Rose steps aside for a moment, Trevor lowers his voice and says, “I won’t hesitate if you hurt Rose.”

Ray steps back a little with his hands raised. “Woah, I promise I won’t. Ever. I couldn’t, even if I tried.”

Trevor shakes his head. “Good, but you still need to know. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.”

Ray, trying to lighten the mood, or something crazy, asks, “You would really kill a man for her?”

Trevor laughs. “I would kill myself for her.” Trevor forgets that it’s not okay to talk like that, and that others don’t realize that him joking around about his trauma is literally harmless.

Ray steps forward and lowers his voice. “That’s not okay to say, you know? Do…do you need to talk?”

Trevor almost laughs out loud. He would be a perfect Dad one day. “No, I just…forget…that I can’t really talk like that around others. I’m fine, really. I just…I just haven’t quite shaken the habit of joking about my trauma.”

Ray nods. “Okay…but if you ever need to talk, I’m right here. I know that you don’t know me, but I’m here.”

Trevor nods. Rose walks back in and sits down, linking her hand claimed by a ring, with Ray while saying, “So, what did I miss?”

Ray makes something up, and Trevor is thankful, because after that all he can really think is how happy Rose and Ray are together. The way that their smiles light up a room, and they seamlessly fit right next to each other. Bobb—Trevor can’t help but wonder if he and Luke were that way; where the happiness would radiate off of them, and light up a dark room.

Trevor is twenty-three when his manager books him the Orpheum. Bobby almost throws up, but Trevor tells himself that he won’t. Bobby wouldn’t ever play the Orpheum, much less book it again. Trevor could.

But he won’t.

He refuses to play. His manager is furious, saying that the Orpheum is a hotspot, and he should be jumping for joy because he was booked the Orpheum. Trevor doesn’t have the heart to tell him that he already booked the Orpheum—when he was eighteen. And he was never going to do it again, because won’t be able to stand it if he lost someone else to that tragedy. And though Trevor’s manager is furious, he gets over it. He has to, because it’s infinitely easier than getting over the trauma that Trevor has.

Trevor is twenty-three when he makes an album.

Trevor is twenty-three when he goes on his first real tour.

Trevor is twenty-three when his manager books him the Orpheum.

Trevor is twenty-three when he refuses to play the Orpheum, knowing, sadly, that the Orpheum is one dream of Luke’s that he’ll never be able to live out without him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked the chapter. It's kind of tame, compared to the last chapter and the one before it, but it is also sort of sad. And the next chapter will most likely be up tomorrow. 
> 
> :)


	17. Twenty-Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm finally making him HAPPIER!!! Only one or two more chapters to go until we have Luke's ghost POV.
> 
> And enjoy!!!!

Trevor is twenty-five when the world knows his name. His album reached the top. Platinum record was only a breadth’s width away. He knew that he would reach Platinum within the next year. He releases My Name is Luke as a single after he finishes his second album. Trevor can hazily remember him stepping on stage and saying, “This song was written by someone very special to me, who can’t be here to perform it with me today, so I’m finishing the dream for him. _To my love, my light, my soul._ I hope you can hear the music from wherever you are out there. This is My Name is Luke.”

Trevor is twenty-five, and he’s famous, and people are stopping him for autographs everywhere he goes.

Trevor buys better locks on his apartment. And he only lives there for a while, before he decides that he doesn’t want to. He has the money, and might as well buy himself a house—a mansion—instead of continuing to rent the apartment with the cracked wall and one bathroom. So, he does. He pays for a mansion to be built: a pool, a security gate, a kitchen as large as his apartment, and windows that show him the beautiful nature around him without him ever having to step outside to the cruel world.

It takes a long time to build, but Trevor doesn’t care. Why would he? He has forever to live, apparently, the world deciding that he’s the most fun to mess with, so why shouldn’t he mess back a little? And he’s living it like it’s Now or Never, so is it really that bad?

Rose laughs when he shows her the blueprints for the mansion, and leads her onto the property. “This must be the working of the Bobby, the boy I know is on the inside. Did Bobby tell you that this was a good idea?”

Trevor laughs. “Just a little. Bobby just kind of said, ‘why the fuck not?’ And I agreed, thinking, _yeah, why the fuck not_? So, here it is.”

Rose laughs even more. “Just make sure that I get the first tour of the house, okay?”

Trevor nods. “Who else would it be? Of course it’s you, and Ray too.”

And she just laughs.

Trevor is twenty-five when the mansion is complete and he moves in. Trevor has very little to move to the mansion. Just his instruments, clothes, Luke’s notebooks, and a few other things with sentimental value. Trevor takes Rose and Ray shopping for everything else. Rose has always had good style, so he trusts her opinion. And Ray is a photographer, with an eye for art and beauty. It must be why he fell in love with Rose.

Soon, the mansion is filled with things. Things that the Bobby inside him wishes could be replaced with Luke, Alex, and Reggie. But they can’t, so Trevor tries to ignore that part of Bobby, telling him that this is exactly what he wants.

The mansion is amazing. And Trevor decides that mansions are the best place to scream where no one can hear him. Nobody is around, so he can scream until his voice is coarse and tears burn the corners of his eyes, and he’s so lightheaded that he could pass out. It’s amazing, being able to scream like that.

Trevor is twenty-five when Rose and Ray get married. Rose and Ray Molina. Ray and Rose Molina. The order is interchangeable, not mattering because when you hear one or the other, all you know is that they’re in love. And married. And happy.

The Petal Pushers break up, deciding that it’s just time. They had fun, and then it’s over. Rose performs solo at local bars and clubs, and anywhere that will let her within an hour of the area. Ray continues to be a photographer, one of the best around. He gets paid for weddings on the side of him working for a magazine company, and doing shoots for famous people all across Hollywood.

They’re happy.

And they’re happy.

Happy.

That could have been him in Luke in some way. But it’s not.

Trevor is twenty-five when one habit he’s never shaken is talking to Luke. It’s almost every night, as he sits in bed, alone in a room too big for him and him alone. Talking to Luke makes the room feel the right size, a size big enough for the two of them. So he does.

It’s a habit that Trevor is ashamed to admit that he still has—talking to a boy who died seven years prior—but it doesn’t mean he’s going to stop doing it. Because for just a few minutes, he can pretend that everything is the way they planned it to be.

Trevor is better now, and doesn’t need to talk to Luke, it’s just something he wants to do. Trevor has come a long way since…that…night, and doesn’t do it to grieve. It’s almost a game. It’s like talking to an imaginary friend. You know that they aren’t there, but you want to try and pretend anyway, because it’s comforting. So he does.

Trevor is twenty-five when the world knows his name.

Trevor is twenty-five, and he’s famous, and people are stopping him for autographs everywhere he goes.

Trevor is twenty-five when the mansion is complete and he moves in.

Trevor is twenty-five when Rose and Ray get married.

Trevor is twenty-five when one habit he’s never shaken is talking to Luke.

Trevor is better than he has been in years, and he’s finally learning how to have fun again. It’s exhilarating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, you ready for the next chapter? I would say that it's being released tomorrow, but 12:07 is technically already the tomorrow I would be referring to. So, it would be the wrong thing. So, next chapter released later this late afternoon????
> 
> :)


	18. Twenty-Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY, this chapter is happy! Well, for the most part. There's a little bit in which he thinks of the happy future that could have been, but whatever. Rose is pregnant!  
> It's a short chapter, but I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Read on!

Trevor is twenty-seven when Rose is pregnant. He’s the second person she tells. She comes over for a movie. Ray was supposed to come too, but he had a photography shoot. Ray dropped Rose off and kissed her goodbye. Trevor sits down and carefully asks if they can watch Star Wars. Rose agrees. She doesn’t ask, but she seems to know anyway.

Bobby would always be the one to watch Star Wars with Reggie because everybody else was tired of watching it again. They would hang out and watch it while Alex and Luke were busy with family, or at a brief time, each other.

Trevor wants to watch it with his best friend again, so for the first time in years, he watches it again, still knowing every line and word and every musical score. When the movie comes to a close, Trevor gets up to fix some food. Rose joins him in the kitchen. As he’s making peanut butter and jelly (one of the only foods he can make without much effort), Rose breaks the silence. “I’m not supposed to tell anyone else yet. I’m too early in my first trimester, but…I’m pregnant.”

Trevor sets down his sandwich to run up and hug her. “Congrats! Oh my goodness, you’re going to be a mother!”

Rose laughs. “Ray was supposed to be here for this too, but we want you to be the godfather.”

“Really?”

“Really. That’s what best friends are for, right?”

Trevor laughs alongside her. “Of course.”

And though he’s happy, a brief scene slips into his mind of what could have been. Reggie and his faceless spouse could most likely be saying the same thing to him right now instead. Reggie, though a flirt, would be married first. Of course he would. Bobby and Luke would never be able to get married. And Alex, no matter who he falls in love with, he wouldn’t be able to get married either.

The scene is brief, so small, because they’re fading in his mind. But he can see himself standing in his old kitchen, Reggie bouncing around excitedly, as he and his wife tell Bobby and Luke about the baby they’re expecting. But it hurts to imagine it, because all he can hear is a voice that isn’t quite Luke’s, and see mannerisms that aren’t quite Reggie’s. And Alex is there in the background, taller than Bobby realistically knows he is. And all of their faces are young, never to be aged, while he stands out like a sore thumb, growing while they never get the chance.

Trevor pushes the scene from his mind as Rose tries to sneak and eat his pb&j. Trevor snatches it up. “Uh-uh. If you want one, I’ll make it for you, but this is mine!”

Rose laughs. “One bite? I don’t want much.”

Trevor laughs. “You’re lucky you’re my best friend,” he says as he allows her to eat a bit of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the next chapter will be out within a few hours or less. And that one will have baby Carrie!
> 
> :)


	19. Twenty-Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I, a teenager, know about as much about adoption as an astrophysicist knows about music theory. Just bear with me, I think it's accurate enough, but if it's not, I'm really sorry. This is within my authorial liberties, so I can do whatever I want.
> 
> Sorry this chapter came out later than expected. I forgot I had plans...weird, right? To have plans?
> 
> Well, read on.

Trevor is twenty-eight when he finds himself awake at three am browsing through adoption sites. He’s alone in his big bedroom, under the covers like he used to do when he was a kid, going through the site, his heart breaking at every child he sees on there.

Trevor doesn’t know what sparked it. It could have been Rose telling him that she was pregnant. It could have been Trevor in the hospital, holding a little girl that Rose and Ray told him was names Julianna, Julie, for short. It could have been the painful memories of him and Luke promising to adopt when they were ready. It could have been him finally realizing that he wants someone else in his life, all for him, again. It could have been him realizing that he needs someone to spend his money on, to spoil. A little kid.

Eventually, with shaking hands, he closes the laptop and falls asleep. He wakes up around mid-day and calls the adoption center. They say that he’s able to come that day. He sits and talks to the babies, trying to figure it out. He wants the decision to be perfect.

At last his ears catch onto a young baby’s laughter. Trevor doesn’t notice his feet taking him to the young girl. She’s sitting up, laughing at a silly face that one of the workers made. The laughter is almost like music to his ears, and he knows that Luke would have made the same decision as him. Music. It’s a type of music that Trevor hasn’t heard before, but he’s determined to get to know it more.

Trevor is twenty-eight, and he learns that it takes five and a half months to adopt a child when you have a history like his. They dig into his records, and begrudgingly, he has to fork over his childhood records, which sadly, includes the deaths of his best friends.

The lady at the adoption center looks at him with horror then pity as he hands over his legal records. Trevor is glad that everything discussed is private.

Trevor was extremely careful to keep the secret from Rose, and most importantly from the world. He doesn’t want little Carrolyn’s first impression of the house to be news reporters and the press. The only person who knows is his therapist. He needs to make sure that he’s not going to fuck the kid up or anything, and that he _is_ actually _stable_ and perfectly okay to take care of a kid. He wants to make sure that this is the best for everyone. He doesn’t want Carrie to hate him because he was an awful father, and he most definitely doesn’t want to be an awful father, even if she doesn’t hate him for it. His therapist assures him that if he thinks he’s really ready, he agrees with him, and that this is a good move.

The day Trevor is finally able to bring Carrie home, he calls Rose in a panicked sort of state. “Come over to my house, please?”

_“Trev, it’s six am.”_

“Bring Julie with you. Please?”

_Rose sighs. “Okay, but if it’s not important, you’re buying me, Ray, and Julie dinner tonight._ ”

“I promise that it’s important.”

Rose hangs up and he waits patiently. It feels like years when in reality, it’s probably only half an hour. When she shows up with a sleeping Julie in her arms, and a firm expression on her face, he can’t help but think that she looks like one of the scariest mama bears around. “What is so important that you had to interrupt my sleep?”

Trevor takes a deep breath. “Just follow me.”

Rose sighs and follows him, slightly bouncing sleeping Julie on her hip. He leads her to the room right next to his own, donned with pink walls, a big white crib, and toys in a basket in the corner.

Rose looks at him. “What’s all this for?”

Trevor takes a deep breath. “I decided to adopt. Her name is Carrie. She’s fourteen months old.”

Rose sighs and lays Julie right down in the crib to hug Trevor. “You should have told me. Do you even know how to care for a child?”

Trevor sheepishly points to the entire shelf of parenting guides that he bought in a panic at one am. Rose sighs. “Trev, I could have helped.”

Trevor wraps his arms around himself. “I just…this is supposed to be something that I can do myself, so I did it, but now I just kind of want someone else there.”

“When is the adoption official?”

“Three hours. I’m signing the papers, and Carrie moves here.”

Rose shakes her head. “Sometimes I forget that as a boy, you can be very stupid.”  


Trevor laughs. “And I find it very hard to forget how much of an annoyed Mama Bear you can be.”

Living up to her title, she shushes Trevor. “Julie is sleeping, so shush.”

Trevor softly chuckles.

Trevor is twenty-eight when he holds _his_ Carrie Wilson in his arms, and he knows what it’s like to feel a new type of love. What he felt for Luke was different, _obviously_ , and he definitely cared for Alex and Reggie differently, but what he feels for Carrie is undeniably love. It’s just a father’s love. He almost laughs at the thought of when he threatened to beat up anyone who talked bad about Alex. That was a father bear moment. But this is different too. Because though the fatherly moment comes back to him, he really is a father now, and Carrie relies on him and him alone.

Trevor determines that this is exactly what he’s been waiting for, for years now.

“Hi, Care-bear. It’s Trevor, your dad.”

Carrie laughs. Her arms move alongside her laugh, and she almost pokes him in the eye. “Dadda.”

Trevor’s world lights up. “Yeah, Dadda.”

Trevor is twenty-eight when he finds himself awake at three am browsing through adoption sites.

Trevor is twenty-eight, and he learns that it takes five and a half months to adopt a child when you have a history like his.

Trevor is twenty-eight when he holds _his_ Carrie Wilson in his arms, and he knows what it’s like to feel a new type of love. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoyed it? Good. Because the next chapter is literally going to be super short, then it's Rose's death. Then it's Luke.
> 
> Goodbye, and goodnight. See you for the next chapter!!
> 
> :)


	20. Thirty-Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah, this chapter is more of a fun one. Literally nothing important happening, just Trevor making stupid decisions like he's seventeen again, just living life a little more crazy because as he says, "Why the fuck not?"
> 
> And read on...

Trevor is thirty-nine when he’s decided that he’s done with his career. He recorded all of Luke’s songs, and has even written an album of his own about Carrie. There’s only one song that he refuses to touch, and that’s Unsaid Emily. Nobody, and Trevor means NOBODY, gets to perform it without Luke. And Luke isn’t here to do it, so Trevor knows that it’ll just never get sung, and he’s okay with that. Trevor has nothing else he wants to do. It’s not that he’s tired of his career, it’s just that he doesn’t have anything else to do, so he doesn’t.

Trevor hasn’t told the world yet, because he honestly thinks they don’t need to know. They’ll figure it out when he stops releasing music. And in a type of panic that can’t quite be described as panic, but more of a _must do something now must do something now must do something now_ kind of thing, where it can’t just be to eat a sandwich or watch a movie, where it has to be something heart-racingly risky, Trevor buys a helicopter. It’s another one of those under-the-cover-on-his-laptop-at-three-am type decisions.

The last under-the-cover-on-his-laptop-at-three-am decision worked out pretty well, or at least Trevor thinks so, to have adopted Carrie, who he can’t help but notice that she looks a little like he and Luke, not appearance wise, but musical wise. Everything she does is like a song, as different as the style is from his or Luke’s. He sometimes forgets that they’re not related by blood.

Well, Trevor bought a helicopter. He determines that Rose would kill him if she found out he did it in the spur of the moment at three am, but he doesn’t really care. He can fly away if he has a helicopter.

When he wakes up the next morning, he forgot that he bought a helicopter, up until the moment Carrie comes to wake him up, the home phone in one hand, and another hand on her hip, raised eyebrows, and a firm expression. “Daddy, why did I just receive a call confirming your purchase of a _helicopter_?”

Trevor groans and stretches and sits up before answering her. “Um, I bought a helicopter?”

Carrie sighs and sits down in front of him. “Daddy, you can’t just go around buying helicopters. That’s not something normal people do. Do you even have a place to park it?”

Trevor grins sheepishly. “Um, on the helicopter pad on the roof?”

Carrie sighs. “Fine. We’re only keeping it because I really want to ride in it. But no more buying expensive things just because you want to.”

“Yes, Carrie.”

“Good.” She kisses his forehead. “Now, Dirty Candi and I have a performance in six hours, and I need you to be there. So, wake up.”

Trevor laughs. “Of course, Care-bear.”

Trevor is thirty-nine when he hires someone to paint his face on the wall in the living room he always thought looked too empty. It’s just that Trevor was bored, and had the money, and why the fuck not? It takes him two and a half weeks to finally be able to pass it without completely dissolving into laughter because _he looks so serious_ and his painting is bigger than his bed, and the look on the man he hired to do it was completely hilarious because he looked so baffled. He had sputtered out, “But…why?”

And Trevor just laughed and said, “Why the fuck not?”

When Carrie got back from her Dirty Candi sleepover at Kayla’s house, she looks at him baffled, and when she goes to ask, Trevor just says, “Why the fuck not?”

“No cursing.”

“You’re fifteen. Surely you’ve heard some cursing by now?”

She puts her hands on her hips and says, “Yeah, but I was raised not to curse because I have a good Dad.”

And he mentally scolds himself because _obviously_ she had a different upbringing than him because the 2000s are _very_ different from the 1990s. He raised her not to curse. “Sorry, Carrie.”

“Good. And you’re no longer aloud to touch the money. First the helicopter and now the painting.” She shakes her head. “Honestly, you buy things like you’re sixteen and being presented with a million bucks.”

Trevor is thirty-nine when he’s decided that he’s done with his career.

Trevor is thirty-nine when he buys a helicopter.

Trevor is thirty-nine when he hires someone to paint his face on the wall in the living room he always thought looked too empty.

And Trevor is thirty-nine when he’s just a little crazy, but doesn’t really care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoyed it? So did I. Next up is Rose's death. I don't know if I have it in me. It's hopefully going to be short.
> 
> :)


	21. Forty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter to feed the sad soul.

Trevor is forty when Rose gets diagnosed with Cancer. He doesn’t take it seriously at first. He still hangs out with her, and both of them refuse to talk about it, just wanting to pretend things are normal. Because it’s not like she’s dying immediately. They have time. And when she dies, he’s going to be prepared, and he can keep on living his life as if nothing major happened. Because he’ll already have time to adjust to the emptiness in the place where she used to be. With the boys, it was his entire heart, all at once. Now, it’s slowly chipping away, and giving it a chance to built back up.

Trevor is forty when Rose gets diagnosed with Cancer. And Trevor doesn’t care, because no matter what everyone else says, the universe won’t take someone else away from him. Not again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoyed it? I know you didn't. Thank you. Next chapter will be up soon enough.
> 
> :)


	22. Forty-two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll, Rose dies. And yeah, it's sad, but it's SUPER short. And yeah...
> 
> Read on, I guess?

Trevor is forty-two when Rose dies. He shuts off from the world for three weeks, hiding in his room, only Carrie allowed in. He only left his room after the third day, and everyday after that, he didn’t leave his mansion.

He finally left when Carrie said that she had a performance for school. He didn’t want to leave, but he wanted to go, because there was no way that he’d miss Carrie’s performance. He’s always had to go undercover to make sure that he didn’t attract attention to himself when the spotlight could be on Carrie and the kids.

And though this death was easier to recover from, it didn’t make it any less painful.

Trevor is forty-two when he resumes his career for one more song. It’s for Rose. He doesn’t want to write an album. That’s not something that he’s interested in doing. But he has the song for Rose flowing in his head, so he writes it. And it’s out there in the world. And _this_ dedication can be full and proper. _To Rose Molina, my best friend, who gave the world to everyone, and loved her family with her whole being. There’s a million words to say, but the song is all that's needed to be heard._

The night before Trevor releases it, he drives up to his old house. It’s now the Molina house. He doesn’t go inside. It would feel like being a ghost, noticing the changed world around him, but not being able to do anything about it.

Trevor places a CD with the song on it on their doorstep, a letter underneath it. He wrote it to Ray, and Julie and Carlos, but mostly Ray. The letter was fifteen pages long because Trevor got a little carried away, but he didn’t scrap it. He just signed it and thanked Ray for being there as well, even if he didn’t go to Ray as a first option. Trevor knocks on the door and walks back to his car, driving off before he can even see their reactions.

And Trevor…he’s okay, despite what people may think. He’s not doing amazing, but he’s okay. Because he finally learned how to deal with trauma. Trevor doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry that he knows so much about handling trauma. Trevor decides to laugh because he doesn’t think he has any tears left to cry. The universe dried all the tears up years ago.

Trevor is forty-two when Rose dies.

Trevor is forty-two when he resumes his career for one more song.

And Trevor…he’s okay, despite what people may think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Liked it? Good. Because next chapter is called this: Chapter 23: Luke: Seventeen Forever.   
> I don't really have much else to say... So...yeah...
> 
> :)


	23. Luke: Seventeen Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so yeah. (I know, I know. I sound so intelligent) This is the entirety of season one told in Luke's perspective, but there is literally only the scenes that I want to do. I think I skip a chunk of time that's like three episodes worth of time, but it's not relevant to the story. 
> 
> Also, pretend that the "Chemistry" scene never happened with the whole, "Girls, am I right?" "Yeah." "No<3" thing never happened. Just, please, for the sake of me, this scene didn't happen, because the guys would never suggest that Luke has chemistry with Julie literally right after he had died and lost Bobby.
> 
> And I'm sorry for not posting yesterday, but I just kind of refused to do anything other than put washi tape in my huge sketchbook for four hours, so that's why. And I just kind of typed it all in one sitting, read over it once, and posted it, so if there are any errors, I apologize.
> 
> And, I guess that's all... Read on?

Luke is seventeen when he dies. He had so much to live for. And maybe he wouldn’t mind this so much if Bobby was with him. But he can’t wish death upon Bobby, even if it means that they would be together in the dark room.

Alex isn’t the only one crying, but he is the only one crying loudly. It’s loud sobs, and Luke’s scared to go over and comfort him. He doesn’t think he can comfort Alex when he, himself doesn’t feel so great either. Luke’s tears are silent and heavy. He wants to go back. He wants to make Bobby happy again because seeing and hearing Bobby cry was one of the worst things in existence.

Luke remembers Bobby talking to him, but the words were all blurred in his head, Luke not understanding much of it, only knowing that Bobby was talking about him. And Luke remembers his mouth moving to say something, but he doesn’t know what it was.

And then he died. And at that second, he heard Bobby let out some sound, a mixture of a scream and sob, something that he never wants to hear again. Well, now he won’t have to. And Luke floated out, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to stay there another second.

So, Luke’s crying, those silent tears that are just as powerful as loud ones.

And Reggie isn’t crying. Reggie’s crying was always choked crying and whimpers and it literally sounds like a little kid’s puppy died. But Reggie’s not crying right now because Luke learned something that he wishes he never knew about him. Reggie was never afraid of death.

After what Luke claims to be an eternity, Reggie claims to be only an hour, and the girl claims to be twenty-five years, Luke realizes that him, Alex, and Reggie aren't the only ones suffering from his death. He’s sure that Bobby has probably suffered just as long.

Luke doesn’t want to mention Bobby to the others, because they lost people too, not just Luke.

They begin to play music, songs that Luke thinks will cheer them all up. And people can hear them.

Is the ability to play music really that great if Luke doesn’t have the person who inspired most of it with him?

The others try to bring up Bobby to Luke, but Luke cuts them off, saying he doesn’t want to talk about it. He wants to pretend, at least for a little while, that nothing happened. “Luke?”Reggie asks.

“What?”

Alex cuts in and says, “You just…are you okay?”

“What do you mean?”

Alex sighs. “Well, you’re pretending as if Bobby never existed.”

“He existed. I just don’t want to talk about it.”

“Luke, you can’t just go on like this. It’s not good for you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Luke—”

“No.”

“But—”

“No, Alex.”

“Fine. Play it this way.” Alex walks away, leaving Luke to the silence for the first time since they’ve come back as ghosts.

In the loft, Luke finds a stray piece of paper. It’s for the song Bright. He never got a chance to transfer it to his notebook. Luke gives it to Julie, hoping that the song he wrote for him and Bobby, disguised as a song for the band, would still be heard by the world, even if it wasn’t under his original terms.

Luke is seventeen when he thinks that he might have fallen out of love with Bobby.

Luke goes looking for his notebook, and can’t find it in the studio at all. Luke starts to panic because the notebook held everything Luke found special to him in it. So, he tries to get it to come to him like his instrument came to him. His instruments are connected to his soul, and the journal is a small part of his soul, same as his music and his instruments.

And his notebook is there. He smiles and thumbs through all the songs, seeing the pages even more worn than he remembers.

He shows Julie the music he wants to play. He can feel the other’s gaze on him, staring him down. He can feel the silent question in the air. They wonder why he’s easily giving up his songs to her so quickly, pretending as if they weren’t his lifeline. And when she mentions that a guy named Trevor wrote these songs, Luke loses it. Luke wrote the songs. Those songs were his.

She pulls up a picture of Trevor on the laptop. Bobby. It was Bobby. Julie tries to argue with him, but it’s not use. It’s like his ears are filling up with cotton. He can’t hear another word. Bobby has a mansion. A helicopter. Credit for Luke’s songs. A life without him. And the life seems to be perfect. Luke barely holds in the breakdown.

You see, Luke never thinks rationally. It’s something that he wishes he could change about himself, but it’s hard to control his anger and rationality when his bandmates pick up on his anger and feed off it, bouncing it back until all of them are just a pit of anger.

They poof off to Bobb—Trevor’s—mansion before Julie can stop them. It’s a beautiful mansion, but all Luke can see through the anger is betrayal. Luke loved Bobby, and he wondered if he ever felt the same way or if it was all a game. Twenty-five years have passed since then, and he stole everything from Luke, including his name. _My Name is Luke_ went platinum record.

“He recorded _My Name is Luke!_ MY. name. is. LUKE.” With every word, Luke’s heart slowly breaks a little more.

What happened to forever?

_Luke died, that’s what happened to forever._

And Bob—Trevor—obviously moved on pretty quickly.

They haunt the fuck out of Trevor. Not Bobby. Bobby would never do this to them. Whoever this Trevor fellow that he’s reinvented himself to be is unpredictable. And Bo—Trevor—got so scared, he probably needs extensive therapy after this.

Though it feels good to haunt B—Trevor—a small part of him feels guilty. Would Bobby do the same to him? At this point, Luke doesn’t know, because if this is what he’s become, was Bobby ever really that predictable?

To Luke, music always meant two things. One was the words and the life and the song and the meaning of it all on the stage. The second was always Bobby. And like someone had slowly ripped his heart in half like a piece of paper, that part of him goes away.

Luke tries to fill that piece of his heart with someone new. Julie. The guys call her an angel, the embodiment of music, so why shouldn’t Luke think the same thing? He tries to fall in love with her, because to him, falling in love with music was as easy as breathing. But trying to fall in love with Julie didn’t work. She’s the wrong artist from the wrong genre, like classical music with all it’s details and beauty, but none of the excitement that Luke loves from rock or the blissfulness from love music that Bobby always seemed to possess.

Laying there the night after the performance of _Edge of Great,_ Luke whispers, to someone, whether it be himself, or Alex, or Reggie, or Bobby, he says, “Why did we have to die without him?”

He hears Reggie’s little whimper, because he likes to avoid all topics of death, pretending as if he never said all that he said as he was dying.

…And Alex. Well, Alex sighs. “Luke, are you ready to talk about it?”

Luke shakes his head. “No. Well, maybe. I don’t really know.”

Reggie, being the great friend he is, despite his discomfort, grabs Luke’s arm and says, “Just say what you want to say. We’ll try our hardest to understand. Just talk.”

Luke sighs. “Well, I was in love with him. I knew that. I thought he knew that too. Sometimes I feel like he would give more to us than me. I was convinced that we would be together forever. That everything we did, we did together. What happened to that? And then he stole my music. I wrote it for the band. For us. For him. For me. But not for him to steal it or take credit or forget about me. Julie thinks that he wrote all of his music. You heard her. ‘Trevor Wilson Original’. What about Luke original? If he died with us, we would be happy together. It would be us four again. And if he was here with us, we would have never gone to Caleb’s Club to get revenge on him.” Luke’s voice starts to get frantic. “Why didn’t he come and get hotdogs with us? Why couldn’t he die with us? Why couldn’t he stay with me?” His voice cracks and a tear falls.

Reggie goes to hug him first, then Alex. Luke whispers so softly, he hardly hears himself say it, “Am I a bad person for wishing he was here?”

Reggie shakes his head and wipes Luke’s tears. “No. I promise that you aren’t. You just want to be with him.” And then as an afterthought, Reggie adds, “I once had this same conversation with Bobby.”

“What?”

“Bobby wondered if he was a bad friend for wishing that you were dating him instead of ‘Lex.”

Alex’s hold loosens on him a little, and Reggie quickly stops him. “No, ‘Lex, he wasn’t mad at you. I promise. He just wished he was in your place instead. He was happy for you, I promise.”

Luke lets a few silent tears flow before he falls asleep (Which he needs to do after doing something so emotionally draining), and curses himself for bitterly wishing that Bo—Trevor—never found someone else to love.

The performance at the Orpheum, while amazing, isn’t everything he dreamed. Luke’s had the dream for so long, a distinct image in his mind of him, Alex, Reggie, and Bobby. Though Luke loves Julie, not as he loved Bobby, he softly wishes that it was the original four of them. Sunset Curve. Not Julie and the Phantoms.

And just before he poofs off the stage, he sees Trevor in the audience. Their eyes connect for a split second, and Luke sees everything he needs to see. They need to talk.

But they’ll never get the chance.

Because Luke’s dying.

Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it? I did. It provides Luke's perspective to Bobby using the songs. But also, let's note that Bobby DID credit them, and Luke just didn't read the print on the bottom of the casing with the credits in cursive because, ew, reading... Why would Luke voluntarily read??? Especially cursive??
> 
> And yeah. I hope you liked my Julie explanation, because I've never heard this version of Luke "liking" Julie yet...
> 
> And I promise that Luke likes Julie, but you know all those mean intrusive thoughts that you get?? Yeah, that's the depths of Luke's mind with thoughts he wishes he didn't think.
> 
> And next chapter is the final chapter. Ready?? I'm not, but here we go.
> 
> :)


	24. Forty-Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, final chapter peeps. I honestly have no clue what you're expecting. But I hope you're okay with tears... 
> 
> Read on and enjoy...I guess???

Trevor is forty-three when his eyes connect with Luke’s one more time. He’s at the Orpheum, hardly believing all that’s in front of his face. It’s either a dream, or a really cruel hallucination. He’s never hallucinated before, and he worries that he’s suddenly going to need _way_ more therapy than originally thought.

But his eyes connect with Luke’s, and he can’t quite place the emotions in his eyes. It’s been twenty-five years, so he’s twenty-five years out of practice with reading Luke’s emotions. And then he disappears from the stage. “Carrie, we have to go home.”

She turned to him. “I wanted to congratulate Julie. And besides, we haven’t even seen Panic yet.”

He shakes his head. “I…I can’t. We need to go.”

She frowns and asks, “What aren’t you telling me?”

“Not here.”

“Daddy, you can tell me.”

“I will, but please, not here.”

She rolls her eyes and follows him out of the Orpheum, not even waiting for the next band to take the stage. When Trevor gets home, he walks to his closet and pulls out a box, and she raises her eyebrows at him, but doesn’t say anything. He takes a deep breath. “I’ve told you about my band before. Luke, Alex, and Reggie.”

She nods. “Yeah, they died at seventeen, your first few albums were written by Luke, and you were in love with him, yadayadayada, but what does that have to do with tonight?”

He takes a deep breath. “Carrie, please, try to understand. I want to know if I’m going crazy or not.” Trevor shockingly pulls out a much cherished Polaroid photo of him and the rest of the band. It has them on the studio couch, Reggie grinning so wide, his eyes are almost closed, Alex giving them all a fondly amused glance, Luke mid-laugh, half on top of Bobby, and Bobby softly smiling, being the only one looking at the camera. He passes it to Carrie as he points at himself, “That’s me.”

She smiles a little. “And that right there is Luke. And that’s Reg—Wait. Those are the boys from the Orpheum. Julie and the Phantoms. Daddy, what’s going on?”

Trevor takes the photograph back, hands shaking, heart racing, and tucks it into the box. “I don’t know. He wasn’t supposed to be there. He was supposed to be dead. Carrie, tell me, am I going crazy?”

She shakes her head. “No, that’s them. I can’t believe I didn’t recognize it sooner. I’ve seen so many pictures of them from you. I knew they were familiar.”

“Carrie. Tell me everything you know about the Julie and the Phantoms.”

And she goes to explain the dance and the first performance with the song Bright, and the holograms. She gasps mid-way through. “They’re ghosts! I knew the holograms were a lie!”

“Ghosts. Why now? Why not twenty-five years ago?” He clutches his necklace that Luke gave him and rubs the pendant. “Ghosts.”

Then Carrie seems to realize that Trevor is in some kind of emotional distress. “Daddy, are you okay?”

A single tear escapes his eye. “No.”

Trevor and Carrie sit there until the early hours of the morning, him talking about Sunset Curve, him telling her things that he’s never told her before. But now there’s not use not telling her. He tells her about his tattoo, warning her that if she was as stupid as he was to get a tattoo, she’s in big trouble. He tells her about Reggie and the _not_ mafia, and the discovery of the word asexual. He tells her about the excitement they had for booking the Orpheum. And in return, she tells him about her life, things about her fallout with Julie that she hasn’t told him yet. She tells him about her recent Dirty Candi gigs and all the songs she’s writing. She tells him about her long-standing crush on Flynn, and how she doesn’t know how to handle it. She talks about how she’s never liked boys, and her and Nick were just covering for each other.

And Trevor is glad that he has his daughter, and that no matter what happened on stage that night, Carrie was a definite in his life, and they were at least going crazy together. Because she is the one person the universe decided not to take from him, so he treasures all the time that they have together.

Trevor is forty-three when he has his final conversation with Luke.

When he wakes up late into the afternoon, the next day, to Carrie screaming, he’s a little scared and miffed. He runs downstairs to see her screaming at a boy on the couch, messy hair hidden under a beanie, cutoff sleeve shirt, an awful rabbit’s foot, and vans, he almost cries. This shouldn’t be happening to him. “DADDY!! WHY IS LUKE ON OUR COUCH!! HE’S DEAD! HE SHOULDN’T BE HERE!”

Trevor rushes forward and says, “Hey, hey, it’s okay. Calm down.” He’s not really calm, himself, but he really wants to get Carrie to stop screaming.

“Daddy, Luke’s dead! A ghost! Why can I see him, and why’s he on the couch?”

Luke laughs and says, “Julie saved us. I came to talk to Bobb—Trevor."

Though Trevor sometimes refers to himself as Bobby, hearing Luke say it again threw him for a loop. “Okay, I’m here.” He turns to Carrie. “Hey, you can go order us some dinner if you want. Anything. Just please don’t freak out anymore.”

“How can you be so calm?”

Luke pipes in. “He’s not so calm. He’s freaking out, but you can’t see it because he has little to no emotions 78% of the time.”

“Wow, thanks Luke.”

Carrie, still wide eyed, walks away to the kitchen to probably spy on them.

Trevor sits down on the opposite side of the couch from Luke. “Why…Why are you here?”

Luke twists his ring. “You noticed me yesterday, right?”

Trevor nods. “Yeah, of course.”

“I came back as a ghost.”

Trevor nods. “I can see that.”

Luke doesn’t say anything, then he says, “You kept the necklace.”

“Of course I did, dumbass. Did you think I threw it to the moors when you died, or something?”

Luke huffs. “Well, yeah. You own a mansion. You have a child. You moved on.”

“I own a mansion. I have a child. But I never stopped loving you, even if it’s twenty-five years too late for us to be having this conversation.”

And Luke, with no filter, asks, “Who did you marry?”

Trevor laughs. “No one. Carrie was adopted, if that’s what you’re getting at. Ace, remember?”

“Yeah, but didn’t you find someone else? You moved on.”

Trevor shakes his head. “No. I tried dating about seven years ago. One didn’t…” He takes a deep breath, that memory a little to rough, even though he’s been through worse. “One… she tried to go too far.” Trevor hears Luke suck in a breath, and Trevor continues, “And the other, I compared to you with everything. You were the best out there.”

Luke, still fiddling with his ring laughs. “Obviously.”

There’s silence for a while, not comfortable silence that used to exist between them, but awkward silence. “Why did you steal my songs?”

Trevor jerks his head to face Luke so fast, he’s sure it almost snaps. “What?”

“Why did you steal my songs?”

“I didn’t. You got credit. Every one of them that you wrote. At every concert, and on every album and song.”

Luke poofs away and Trevor’s a little shocked until he sees him appear in front of the record cases. “I didn’t see it.”

“Didn’t you see it?” Trevor walks over to the record case and points at the cursive in gold lettering at the bottom. “ _To my best friends for life who couldn’t do it themselves, L, R, & A. I’ll make it to the top for the four of us._”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Thank…thank you.”

“No shit.”

Luke poofs back to the couch, and Trevor follows, a little disoriented at Luke’s sudden disappearing and reappearing. As Trevor sits down, he can imagine Bobby crawling over and comforting Luke. In a way, Bobby is right there beside Luke, because Bobby died alongside Luke and the others. Trevor’s all that’s left right now.

Jokingly, Trevor asks, “Did you have fun haunting me?”

Luke has the audacity to look at least a little embarrassed. “I mean, yeah. But I thought you stole my music, and I was angry. The rest of the guys were too.” Though Trevor’s hurt that Luke thinks he would ever steal Luke’s music, he understands.

“How are the guys?”

“Well, Reggie’s best friends with Ray, Julie’s dad. And Alex has a ghost boyfriend named Willie, though he refuses to admit it.”

Trevor laughs. “Good for Alex. He has game, even when he’s dead. And Reggie…Best friends with Ray?”

Luke laughs. “Yeah. The conversations are pretty one sided.”

“Not judging his conversations, but more of the fact that he chose Ray. Ray is such a Dad.”

“You know Ray?”

“He married Rose. We became best friends after…she helped me at the Orpheum.”

Then, Luke with no filter, obviously trying to change the conversation, says, “Is the rockstar life everything you ever wanted?”

Trevor laughs, a little delirious. “No. It never was. It was amazing and fun, but it wasn’t everything that I wanted.” Then, “Was the Orpheum everything you ever wanted?”

“Nah. Like you said, it was amazing and fun, but it wasn’t everything I wanted.” Then, Luke says, “I don’t remember what I said. When I was dying, I mean.”

Trevor flinches at the thought. It took him eight years for the nightmares of that night to stop. He still gets them every once and a while, but not weekly like he used to have. “I never forgot.”

Luke looks up at him hopefully. “What did I say?”

Trevor whispers, “Thank you for playing my favorite music one last time.”

“Oh. Shit. I’m sorry. I never should have said that. That’s an awful last thing to say.”

“I agree. It haunted me for years. But, I’m glad that you said it too. It..it reminded me that you _did_ love me.”

Then after a few moments, Luke pulls off his ring, the one he swore he would never take off, and tosses it to Trevor. “Keep it.”

Trevor shakes his head and tosses it back. “No.”

Almost like a game of hot potato, it’s tossed back and forth until Trevor gives up and slides it over his finger. “Fine. But you get to keep this.” He unclasps his necklace and tosses it to Luke.

“Whoah, no. You’ve had this for twenty-five years. I ain’t taking it.”

“I keep the ring. You keep the necklace. We’ve had both for twenty-five years.”

Luke puts the necklace on and looks up. “I’ve got to go.”

Trevor nods. “I figured.”

After a moment, Luke whispers, “I…I think this was my unfinished business.”

“Unfinished business?”

“The last thing I have to complete in my afterlife.”

“Oh.”

“I can feel it. I…If the guys come to visit, tell them I crossed over.”

Trevor nods. “Yeah, yeah, of course.”

Luke starts to fade into golden dust, particles thinner than glitter, it fading away as if wind is carrying it away. “And for the record, I’ll never forget you either.”

“I know.”

“Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.” Trevor can see a glimpse of his young self, Bobby, fading away with Luke. He can see them laughing together, holding hands, happy together. And he’s happy for Bobby, finally getting everything he ever needed, and he’s happy for Luke too, to get to be with Bobby forever.

All that’s left is the necklace that Trevor just gave him. It sits lonely on the couch. Maybe ghosts can’t cross over with something that isn’t their’s. Trevor picks it up and puts it back on.

Trevor isn’t crying. No. It’s different this time. He never had anything to lose this time in the first place. Something in his chest lightens, something he never noticed was there. Luke got to move on. Luke got to finish what he needed to finish. And Trevor helped him. But he knew, for real this time, it would be the last time he would get to see Luke, even _if_ he didn’t cross over. And Bobby got to move on too.

Trevor…he’s fine. Trevor’s fine.

He gets up to the kitchen to go see Carrie. She was spying on them, watching, and she has a few tears in her eyes. He asks, “Are you okay?”

She barks out laughter. “I should be asking _you_ that.”

“I’m okay. It…It doesn’t hurt.”

“Good.”

Carrie falls into his arms. “I’m glad that you got to see Luke again.”

Trevor nods. “Yeah, me too.”

“Are you happy?”

Trevor nods. “Of course I am. I have my little girl now, don’t I?”

She chuckles. “Yeah. Of course you do.” Then, “Can I see the ring?”

Trevor slides it off and hands it to her to look at. She silently reads the words on the inside. “The origin story of your dedications?”

Trevor nods. “Yeah. I bought it for him the day I booked the Orpheum.”

She hands it back to him, and he slides it back on his finger. “So, Carrie, what do you want to do? We have forever, after all.”

Trevor is forty-three when his eyes connect with Luke’s one more time.

Trevor is forty-three when he has his final conversation with Luke.

Trevor is forty-three when Luke and Bobby get to cross over together.

Trevor is forty-three when at last, his final memory of Luke is a happy one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoyed that? Good. Because that's all I have. 
> 
> :)


	25. Epilogue

Thank you my dear readers for sticking with the whole story. I’m not as eloquent with words when talking about myself as I am talking through a story.

I hope that you laughed, cried, hoped, dreamed, smiled, gasped, giggled, loved, and sang alongside my work. It was a joy to write this, but at the same time, I sobbed alongside some chapters.

And if you must know, my favorite chapter is Chapter 11: Seventeen. That’s the chapter when they start dating. My favorite sections are Chapter 6: Fifteen—Chapter 15: Twenty.

And Reggie helping the _not mafia_ always holds a special place in my heart because…well…it just seems so violently _Reggie_ to do that.

I’m really disappointed that this is all I have to write for this story, but alas, it _is_ over. Again, thank you dear readers.

(And I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear your final thoughts on the entire story if you so please.)


End file.
